11-23-2019, 11:43 AM
ME: yesterday was interesting. I got a lot done on the house. A pretty amazing amount really. After that that we went to pick up dinner. They had changed how they do a couple of things, and the wife was kind of upset about it, and started a low key argument with the hostess which soon involved the general manager. She thought we should get what we used to get what we used to get, or something for free. No yelling or screaming or anything, she was just very insistent with a superior attitude and vaguely snotty.
I was embarrassed. I’ve worked in food service and she was acting like one of THOSE customers. I didn’t do much to intervene at the time because that would very likely make the scene worse, but when we were on our way home, I calmly brought it up. I told her that she was acting like one of THOSE customers. I fully expected her to turn into a fire breathing banshee on me. A while ago I wouldn’t have said anything just to avoid that. Now, I thought it needed to be said and stated it calmly and directly, with no fear or avoidance of her reaction. It needed to be done, and I was confident doing it. That’s genuine growth in me.
WIFE: She didn’t go off. She didn’t make a display of butthurt. She went silent for a minute during which I could tell she was angry at first, but consciously choosing a better reaction. Then she said “I’m sorry for embarrassing you.”. I hadn’t even mentioned being embarrassed, so she figured out why I was so bothered by the incident on her own. Then I realized that she hadn’t turned that “I’m better than you and I have to win every little conflict at all costs” attitude on me in a really long time. That’s genuine growth in her.
I was embarrassed. I’ve worked in food service and she was acting like one of THOSE customers. I didn’t do much to intervene at the time because that would very likely make the scene worse, but when we were on our way home, I calmly brought it up. I told her that she was acting like one of THOSE customers. I fully expected her to turn into a fire breathing banshee on me. A while ago I wouldn’t have said anything just to avoid that. Now, I thought it needed to be said and stated it calmly and directly, with no fear or avoidance of her reaction. It needed to be done, and I was confident doing it. That’s genuine growth in me.
WIFE: She didn’t go off. She didn’t make a display of butthurt. She went silent for a minute during which I could tell she was angry at first, but consciously choosing a better reaction. Then she said “I’m sorry for embarrassing you.”. I hadn’t even mentioned being embarrassed, so she figured out why I was so bothered by the incident on her own. Then I realized that she hadn’t turned that “I’m better than you and I have to win every little conflict at all costs” attitude on me in a really long time. That’s genuine growth in her.
