11-20-2019, 11:49 PM
I’m running loops again tonight. I had a strong urge to which I think is my subconscious telling me what I need. I might also be trying to recapture the euphoria I felt last night. That is a very productive state of mind to be in and the more I can be in it, the more good stuff I can attract.
I think that my mind is now in a more successful state than I would ever have allowed it to be in before. I’ve pushed past what was my self imposed upper limit before, It’s only a matter of time before my actions and energy make my external life match.
I think what I need to do from here is:
Finish rewriting my mental story, which I’ll do presently. I started it above, but with more thought, the goal there is to take the same basic facts of my past and reframe them from things that caused me fear and dysfunction to something that is the basis of great confidence and leads to success. It’ll be a more honest story too.
Get my life organized. This will start with my living space, but also needs to include my thinking and tracking of important things. Finances for instance. I need to get and keep an accurate picture of what we have, what we need to pay and when, anything that might be an issue, and any opportunities that can arise. I’ve been afraid to do this before, because it might be a bad picture, but I have to know what the situation is before I can gain any real control over it.
Probably the biggest way that fear of success/fear of failure complex had of hamstringing me is disorganization on all levels. My personal space has always been a cluttered mess, and my thinking matched it. I didn’t pay attention, didn’t prioritize, forgot to do things, and as I’ve said before, I just let life happen to me. While the root cause may have been taken care of, but I have not yet developed good organizational habits to replace the self sabotaging ones. That’s not going to happen on its own. I am going to have to be very disciplined for a while until it becomes second nature.
Get the refi done. That will accomplish my first goal for UMS and USLM. I can pick a loftier one afterwards, though I think I might take a time out to get my career back on track before I worry too much about the raw money numbers. The next USLM should be just what the doctor ordered for that.
I think that my mind is now in a more successful state than I would ever have allowed it to be in before. I’ve pushed past what was my self imposed upper limit before, It’s only a matter of time before my actions and energy make my external life match.
I think what I need to do from here is:
Finish rewriting my mental story, which I’ll do presently. I started it above, but with more thought, the goal there is to take the same basic facts of my past and reframe them from things that caused me fear and dysfunction to something that is the basis of great confidence and leads to success. It’ll be a more honest story too.
Get my life organized. This will start with my living space, but also needs to include my thinking and tracking of important things. Finances for instance. I need to get and keep an accurate picture of what we have, what we need to pay and when, anything that might be an issue, and any opportunities that can arise. I’ve been afraid to do this before, because it might be a bad picture, but I have to know what the situation is before I can gain any real control over it.
Probably the biggest way that fear of success/fear of failure complex had of hamstringing me is disorganization on all levels. My personal space has always been a cluttered mess, and my thinking matched it. I didn’t pay attention, didn’t prioritize, forgot to do things, and as I’ve said before, I just let life happen to me. While the root cause may have been taken care of, but I have not yet developed good organizational habits to replace the self sabotaging ones. That’s not going to happen on its own. I am going to have to be very disciplined for a while until it becomes second nature.
Get the refi done. That will accomplish my first goal for UMS and USLM. I can pick a loftier one afterwards, though I think I might take a time out to get my career back on track before I worry too much about the raw money numbers. The next USLM should be just what the doctor ordered for that.
