11-14-2019, 03:24 AM
WIFE: I am seeing some signs that she’s doing some of the same type of introspection that I am. She was having trouble with a certain task at work again, and it got to her. I asked a few questions and she told me that she primarily identifies herself by being smart. Anything that makes her feel like she isn’t as smart as she thinks she is really puts her in a state of overthinking and being down on herself. I asked a few more questions and she said that she was always told to live up to her potential, and since she got straight As once in school, so her potential was perfect. Any deviation from perfect in brain activities means that she isn’t living up to the standard she internalized.
It was frustrating from there. She was arguing on behalf of her limiting beliefs even though she saw them.
The next night she came home and told me that she had asked someone to walk her through it, and that when she was originally shown it they had been in a hurry so had sped through. She even said that she had been being silly by being so freaked out about it.
ME: I’ve got a few things. First, these things I’ve been writing. I don’t have the insight and experience and then write about it, I have it while I’m writing. The act of tapping it into a keyboard or phone puts me in the state where I can have the experience. I’m writing it or at least thinking about it in words in my head whenever something happens when I’m not. That allows me to visualize or whatever. Whenever I’ve tried visualization techniques and similar, it hasn’t worked for crap. That tells me that I operate very much on a verbal level, and gives me a clue as to how to proceed with things. That also might be why subliminals work so well on me.
Ok, this leads us to what I was going to write about the other day when I got pulled another direction.
I’ve noticed a problem since I’ve started the USLM family of subs. I’ve gotten some pretty amazing manifestations on them, but each and every one of them has been in response to a crisis, and served to prevent something really bad from happening rather than move us forward to the next level where really good things are happening.
Here’s why. It stems partly from Mom’s dominance games, and partly from choosing to dedicate so much of my mental life to “saving” my father.
Simply put, I don’t feel strong desires. Or to put it more esoterically, the passion and desire energy was blocked from rising to the surface by knots of fear. That is unless it’s a desire to escape, avoid, or save myself or another from something.
Whenever (as an adult) I’ve been asked what do I want, I have a lot of difficulty coming up with anything, and when I do answer it’s just something I came up with in order to have an answer, and I don’t have any real feeling behind it. This is not conducive to getting where one wants to go in life because one doesn't have a clear destination in mind, the subconscious (and the conscious) simply seek the path of least resistance and stay with the status qoue.
Here’s why I have issues with that. My perception as a kid was that I never got what I wanted. I did have very strong desires for things like all kids do. However, Mom made sure that if I really wanted something, I never got it. I now know that she was proving to herself over and over that she was more powerful than me because the barest hint of being overpowered by a male scared her to death. However, at some point, I figured out at least subconsciously that the more I wanted something, the less likely I was to get it. Even when I managed to save up the money from doing odd jobs for neighbors and gifts, she just said no to anything I passionately wanted. This added to the message that working for something is useless too. Not helpful.
I tried to break out of this after I turned eighteen but still in High school by buying a motorcycle. My Dad was helping here, and it’s the only time I’ve ever seen him try to go against her. We made the deal, and were going to pick it up later. Dad made a mistake that night though. He told her before the deal was done. She exploded. I don’t remember what exactly she said, but it was the most degrading, insulting, and threatening I have ever heard her, and that’s saying something. She had my father in tears. He caved. I caved. I wouldn’t have given in on my own, and I think my sense of powerlessness wouldn’t have been as bad going forward if I’d won that one, but I saw how much the conflict had hurt my father and didn’t want to cause him further pain.
After that I ignored some evidence that I COULD get what I wanted. When I graduated my uncle who owned a motorcycle dealership brought a helmet to my graduation party, and I picked up my first bike the next week. That should have told me that I can manifest my desires. But the damage from the many years of frustration, and I think from the emotion of that one event had done the damage, and it was internalized.
Weird aside, once she lost, she acted like she was ok with it. Not only that, but she started riding it when I was in college. Guess who has now been riding over twenty years and has a Harley Road glide in the garage and hundreds of thousands of miles under their belt. (The correct answer is both me and my mother).
Now, I did get plenty of stuff, and a lot of it I liked, but it was all things that someone else thought I might want or should have. It was almost never what I asked for. This may be one of the reasons that I was in the pattern of letting life happen to me. I thought that if I really set myself on getting something, I wouldn’t get it no matter what, but If I just waited, I’d get something that was ok.
These are all self lies. First off, I internalized the assumption that I couldn’t get what I wanted in an artificial environment that doesn’t resemble the real world. My mother had pretty much total power over what I did and didn’t get, and she was working against me. In my adult life, no one is working against me or has anywhere near that kind of power over me. I’ve really been preventing myself from having desires over nothing for more than twenty years.
The other thing that’s lead to me having energy blocks goes back to my father (yes again). Back when I thought I had to constantly “save” him, I spent the majority of my emotional energy on doing that. While day to day, I may have wanted things, on the surface, all of the emotional energy that would be used in manifestation or driven real action was bound up in that.
This energy was mostly fear. So in a way I learned to either use fear as energy, or frame my passionate desires as only things which had the purpose of avoiding something I feared.
Between the two things, I got it into my head that it wasn’t ok to powerfully want things for myself. That’s why I can avert disasters like a boss, but have had trouble moving forward.
My manifestation system works just fine. I’ve manifested tens of thousands of dollars in the last year, plus two jobs when FYPJ was fully walking my subconscious through the process. I’m very smart and a hard worker, so I have everything I need to make anything that I want happen. I think that all I need to do now is to remember how to REALLY WANT something in line with the program goals. It might take some more exploration, but I think I’ve actually got enough of the bad stuff out of the way to start kicking ass and taking names now.
It was frustrating from there. She was arguing on behalf of her limiting beliefs even though she saw them.
The next night she came home and told me that she had asked someone to walk her through it, and that when she was originally shown it they had been in a hurry so had sped through. She even said that she had been being silly by being so freaked out about it.
ME: I’ve got a few things. First, these things I’ve been writing. I don’t have the insight and experience and then write about it, I have it while I’m writing. The act of tapping it into a keyboard or phone puts me in the state where I can have the experience. I’m writing it or at least thinking about it in words in my head whenever something happens when I’m not. That allows me to visualize or whatever. Whenever I’ve tried visualization techniques and similar, it hasn’t worked for crap. That tells me that I operate very much on a verbal level, and gives me a clue as to how to proceed with things. That also might be why subliminals work so well on me.
Ok, this leads us to what I was going to write about the other day when I got pulled another direction.
I’ve noticed a problem since I’ve started the USLM family of subs. I’ve gotten some pretty amazing manifestations on them, but each and every one of them has been in response to a crisis, and served to prevent something really bad from happening rather than move us forward to the next level where really good things are happening.
Here’s why. It stems partly from Mom’s dominance games, and partly from choosing to dedicate so much of my mental life to “saving” my father.
Simply put, I don’t feel strong desires. Or to put it more esoterically, the passion and desire energy was blocked from rising to the surface by knots of fear. That is unless it’s a desire to escape, avoid, or save myself or another from something.
Whenever (as an adult) I’ve been asked what do I want, I have a lot of difficulty coming up with anything, and when I do answer it’s just something I came up with in order to have an answer, and I don’t have any real feeling behind it. This is not conducive to getting where one wants to go in life because one doesn't have a clear destination in mind, the subconscious (and the conscious) simply seek the path of least resistance and stay with the status qoue.
Here’s why I have issues with that. My perception as a kid was that I never got what I wanted. I did have very strong desires for things like all kids do. However, Mom made sure that if I really wanted something, I never got it. I now know that she was proving to herself over and over that she was more powerful than me because the barest hint of being overpowered by a male scared her to death. However, at some point, I figured out at least subconsciously that the more I wanted something, the less likely I was to get it. Even when I managed to save up the money from doing odd jobs for neighbors and gifts, she just said no to anything I passionately wanted. This added to the message that working for something is useless too. Not helpful.
I tried to break out of this after I turned eighteen but still in High school by buying a motorcycle. My Dad was helping here, and it’s the only time I’ve ever seen him try to go against her. We made the deal, and were going to pick it up later. Dad made a mistake that night though. He told her before the deal was done. She exploded. I don’t remember what exactly she said, but it was the most degrading, insulting, and threatening I have ever heard her, and that’s saying something. She had my father in tears. He caved. I caved. I wouldn’t have given in on my own, and I think my sense of powerlessness wouldn’t have been as bad going forward if I’d won that one, but I saw how much the conflict had hurt my father and didn’t want to cause him further pain.
After that I ignored some evidence that I COULD get what I wanted. When I graduated my uncle who owned a motorcycle dealership brought a helmet to my graduation party, and I picked up my first bike the next week. That should have told me that I can manifest my desires. But the damage from the many years of frustration, and I think from the emotion of that one event had done the damage, and it was internalized.
Weird aside, once she lost, she acted like she was ok with it. Not only that, but she started riding it when I was in college. Guess who has now been riding over twenty years and has a Harley Road glide in the garage and hundreds of thousands of miles under their belt. (The correct answer is both me and my mother).
Now, I did get plenty of stuff, and a lot of it I liked, but it was all things that someone else thought I might want or should have. It was almost never what I asked for. This may be one of the reasons that I was in the pattern of letting life happen to me. I thought that if I really set myself on getting something, I wouldn’t get it no matter what, but If I just waited, I’d get something that was ok.
These are all self lies. First off, I internalized the assumption that I couldn’t get what I wanted in an artificial environment that doesn’t resemble the real world. My mother had pretty much total power over what I did and didn’t get, and she was working against me. In my adult life, no one is working against me or has anywhere near that kind of power over me. I’ve really been preventing myself from having desires over nothing for more than twenty years.
The other thing that’s lead to me having energy blocks goes back to my father (yes again). Back when I thought I had to constantly “save” him, I spent the majority of my emotional energy on doing that. While day to day, I may have wanted things, on the surface, all of the emotional energy that would be used in manifestation or driven real action was bound up in that.
This energy was mostly fear. So in a way I learned to either use fear as energy, or frame my passionate desires as only things which had the purpose of avoiding something I feared.
Between the two things, I got it into my head that it wasn’t ok to powerfully want things for myself. That’s why I can avert disasters like a boss, but have had trouble moving forward.
My manifestation system works just fine. I’ve manifested tens of thousands of dollars in the last year, plus two jobs when FYPJ was fully walking my subconscious through the process. I’m very smart and a hard worker, so I have everything I need to make anything that I want happen. I think that all I need to do now is to remember how to REALLY WANT something in line with the program goals. It might take some more exploration, but I think I’ve actually got enough of the bad stuff out of the way to start kicking ass and taking names now.
