Day 28.
Still listening. Had 3 dreams last night. Two strange, one could be classified as a "nightmare" I think. The weird potent tingling feeling in my chest when listening has continued. Porn use has been somewhat regular, regular masturbation has continued for a long time. Since an earlier DMSI broke the "cure" "Stop Masturbating 4G" created. Very unfortunate that happened, as I haven't been able to shake it again since.
Anyway, today out at a social event. The girls I knew there (one I've written about before here as one I do find attractive and was emo she didn't respond on day 1 of the program, lol), save one, were "so busy" they couldn't come over and spend time with me to interact. That annoyed me, and I felt rejected again, and back to wanting their attention and validation to show me the program is doing ANYTHING to them. Sadly, I again was disappointed with what happened. And even when talking at the end, before I left, they were kinda weird. Like they couldn't be bothered, reserved, or distracted, or rushed I don't know. It just felt "off", awkward, which is strange. No signs of wanting to continue things, talk later, go out, or escalate, or whatever. Even simple "kino" like hugging has almost completely DIED now on this version, that's been ruined for me somehow on this. Now, they seem awkward or inhibited to do any kind of "kino", even sometimes being kinda distanced from me when they never would be beforehand, they used to be more natural in many cases. I've "started" the hug a few times which feels so cringe as it sometimes seems forced, which I don't want to do ever, so I will stop now. I don't get what the hell is the deal. Hugging, as pathetic as it sounds, but at the risk of being brutally honest to help testing, was the only form of female physical contact I had. Sucks to have that slipping away over time now...makes me feel even further away from being the "ladies man" I'm supposed to be becoming...and even harder to get them. And makes the thought of me being one...even more ridiculous than it was previously. Wonderful.
The way I see it, if I was some "DMSI man" they would have made me a priority. This is a month into the mission now, something external should be occurring especially in these social environments. The fact that nothing like that is happening doesn't bode well for this thing. Very concerning again. And now due to things recently with girls, I'm seeing more feelings of futility about bothering with girls as I've written about often before for a year or two or more, and some nervousness coming back with girls in situations because a part of me is worried about being disappointed with the program and myself when they don't respond *again*. Seems this version has been a disappointment also, I can't say I've seen too much world shaking from it around the forum. We waited a very long time to finally get it, so that is a big letdown for me.
I don't know man, it still doesn't seem like anything is really punching through to these girls and making them think we're "hot". Still seems like me chasing validation and attention, feeling inferior, and getting crumbs in return. Sometimes an interaction goes better than expected, and I'm happy and optimistic. Next time, the same girl can be completely different, cold, distant, seemingly indifferent or not even noticing me, saying she is SO busy, and I feel like a failure. Like that girl I wrote about when her face kinda went red a few times talking to me, or watering eyes. Next EXACT weekend with her, cold, distant, awkward, almost zero interaction, extremely bizarre. So obviously it is nothing more than random occurrence, her mood or whatever, zero influence from anything else. Which was the same thing with the other versions. Whatever.
Half of me is SO fed up with listening to this sub, version after version, month after month, year after year, and still not having any external success with girls. The other half wants to try to see success with this, because other subs should be child's play to me by comparison through the skeleton script that finally DOES work, if that's possible, which I do massively doubt I admit still. Still seems impossible to ever become a guy they actually give a shit about. The urge to continue needs to be given some kind of "fuel" in actual results, it isn't self-sustaining in and of itself. Many times I've wondered if it's a complete waste of time and money or not, and what results I have had with girls I would not have had before with them. Hard to answer while seeming positive, but that is one thing I have tried to keep doing for years here despite the endless mediocrity...
Still listening. Had 3 dreams last night. Two strange, one could be classified as a "nightmare" I think. The weird potent tingling feeling in my chest when listening has continued. Porn use has been somewhat regular, regular masturbation has continued for a long time. Since an earlier DMSI broke the "cure" "Stop Masturbating 4G" created. Very unfortunate that happened, as I haven't been able to shake it again since.
Anyway, today out at a social event. The girls I knew there (one I've written about before here as one I do find attractive and was emo she didn't respond on day 1 of the program, lol), save one, were "so busy" they couldn't come over and spend time with me to interact. That annoyed me, and I felt rejected again, and back to wanting their attention and validation to show me the program is doing ANYTHING to them. Sadly, I again was disappointed with what happened. And even when talking at the end, before I left, they were kinda weird. Like they couldn't be bothered, reserved, or distracted, or rushed I don't know. It just felt "off", awkward, which is strange. No signs of wanting to continue things, talk later, go out, or escalate, or whatever. Even simple "kino" like hugging has almost completely DIED now on this version, that's been ruined for me somehow on this. Now, they seem awkward or inhibited to do any kind of "kino", even sometimes being kinda distanced from me when they never would be beforehand, they used to be more natural in many cases. I've "started" the hug a few times which feels so cringe as it sometimes seems forced, which I don't want to do ever, so I will stop now. I don't get what the hell is the deal. Hugging, as pathetic as it sounds, but at the risk of being brutally honest to help testing, was the only form of female physical contact I had. Sucks to have that slipping away over time now...makes me feel even further away from being the "ladies man" I'm supposed to be becoming...and even harder to get them. And makes the thought of me being one...even more ridiculous than it was previously. Wonderful.
The way I see it, if I was some "DMSI man" they would have made me a priority. This is a month into the mission now, something external should be occurring especially in these social environments. The fact that nothing like that is happening doesn't bode well for this thing. Very concerning again. And now due to things recently with girls, I'm seeing more feelings of futility about bothering with girls as I've written about often before for a year or two or more, and some nervousness coming back with girls in situations because a part of me is worried about being disappointed with the program and myself when they don't respond *again*. Seems this version has been a disappointment also, I can't say I've seen too much world shaking from it around the forum. We waited a very long time to finally get it, so that is a big letdown for me.
I don't know man, it still doesn't seem like anything is really punching through to these girls and making them think we're "hot". Still seems like me chasing validation and attention, feeling inferior, and getting crumbs in return. Sometimes an interaction goes better than expected, and I'm happy and optimistic. Next time, the same girl can be completely different, cold, distant, seemingly indifferent or not even noticing me, saying she is SO busy, and I feel like a failure. Like that girl I wrote about when her face kinda went red a few times talking to me, or watering eyes. Next EXACT weekend with her, cold, distant, awkward, almost zero interaction, extremely bizarre. So obviously it is nothing more than random occurrence, her mood or whatever, zero influence from anything else. Which was the same thing with the other versions. Whatever.
Half of me is SO fed up with listening to this sub, version after version, month after month, year after year, and still not having any external success with girls. The other half wants to try to see success with this, because other subs should be child's play to me by comparison through the skeleton script that finally DOES work, if that's possible, which I do massively doubt I admit still. Still seems impossible to ever become a guy they actually give a shit about. The urge to continue needs to be given some kind of "fuel" in actual results, it isn't self-sustaining in and of itself. Many times I've wondered if it's a complete waste of time and money or not, and what results I have had with girls I would not have had before with them. Hard to answer while seeming positive, but that is one thing I have tried to keep doing for years here despite the endless mediocrity...
