Guy's UMS Journal

[guyinlahore]

I did the 1st day of the 8 loops last night after a break of 3 days. I miscalculated the time. It turns out to be 11 hours and 12 minutes. I started at 11:00pm and the loops finished by 10:00am and I came to office late. During the night, at one time the loop stopped as I accidentally pulled the wire out of the phone. I put it back in and continued.

I feel very tired mentally. When I listened to other subs, I could sleep easily and had very little interference in my sleep. With UMS I feel quite, disturbed would not be the right word, I think I feel quite different maybe.

I have noticed that this morning, I still am having those negative or deprived thoughts that I am not successful and not wealthy as other people but this is not affecting me emotionally as before. I think it is a pattern in my mind which is not eliminated and still coming as before. When I look at other big cars and SUVs on the road, I do not feel intimidated as before. I feel kind of neutral.
I feel quite relaxed. I have been working on various small businesses in addition to my job and I was straining quite hard. Suddenly I am feeling comfortable and relaxed and not tense to earn money. Somewhere inside I feel content.
I think a huge tension is gone. I mean I would not have the thought to feel so normal after letting go of the business. But now when I think of it I feel quite undisturbed by it. I do not feel any pain over the loss of investment.Maybe I am enjoying the rest or the free time available to me, I cannot say for sure. But I am feeling quite positive despite of not succeeding in the business. Its like I am realigning myself internally all over everything. It is quite strange.

Overall I have felt more the need to improve my lifestyle or myself. I had new trouser lying in the shelf for sometime and now I have started using it. I am feeling inclined to buy good quality food for myself instead of saving money. Maybe I am getting more self focused.

Another thing I have noticed is that time is not flying. My feelings in the past were that I am sitting on say top of a train or a car and it is moving fast at hundreds of miles per hour and I am frantically trying to do something so that life does not end before I achieve my goals. Everything was moving very fast and I had no time to do this or that. Now it feels very calm and peaceful like I am on top of a horse cart perhaps or maybe walking slowly and moving slowly and enjoying the breeze. I cannot understand the reason how and why this changed. But it all feels very calm and slow.

Coincidentally I stumbled upon an interview of a woman on youtube yesterday. This women happens to be from a rich wealthy family and is on TV. As I listened to her interview, I realized or it dawned on me about her problems and what she went through life and I felt very happy. She had a broken home, a failed marriage, abusive husband, career problems and so on. Now she is settled in her 2nd marriage and sober and mature. I do not know why but I felt quite happy. Its like some happiness liquid released in me. I felt very good of myself. I did not feel bad for her or happy on what happened to her. I was just happy for myself, maybe because apart of money I am better than her in family life or maybe because money is not the solution for everything. Maybe because inside somewhere I had the impression that since I am not rich I was not good enough for someone like her level.

The celebrity effect / DMSI effect is quite there. I have noticed women looking / staring at me for 1-2 seconds and then move on. People in general are behaving quite nicely towards me in general.
I also have been walking and behaving in a straight posture lately, specifically with my back straight.