And Paul, I'm not a subscriber to beating the sh** out of myself. I've thought I was a wimp at times since I gave in this younger side of me, but using subs here have really corrected a lot of old self-hating ways of mine. I've called it that in past journals, and I always felt, but didn't admit, the shame with it. Me sharing it then was me saying "I don't love myself. Would someone tell me I'm lovable?" And this is a BIG reason I stayed on LTU5 so long, as me learning to love myself has been neglected. I even began DMSI since its #2 goal is to greatly improve this.
And for myself, punishing myself for failing always led to worse places, both mentally and in daily decision making. While on LTU5, I realized I was making things harder at work unnecessarily. I admitted this to a coworker I've trusted, and he listened and pointed out some obvious thinking oversights I'd experienced. I was truly grateful I could make better choices in the future. And I am.
The mirrors for myself are other people. If people are giving me cues I'm not hearing them, then it's my job to pay attention. The newer FRM's are making it much easier to approach a superior and ask "am I missing something?" In fact, I've actually gained more trust by doing so, and I am much more content while not fighting with myself and them. I am more peaceful.
I'd add more, but I need to leave for work. Later
And for myself, punishing myself for failing always led to worse places, both mentally and in daily decision making. While on LTU5, I realized I was making things harder at work unnecessarily. I admitted this to a coworker I've trusted, and he listened and pointed out some obvious thinking oversights I'd experienced. I was truly grateful I could make better choices in the future. And I am.
The mirrors for myself are other people. If people are giving me cues I'm not hearing them, then it's my job to pay attention. The newer FRM's are making it much easier to approach a superior and ask "am I missing something?" In fact, I've actually gained more trust by doing so, and I am much more content while not fighting with myself and them. I am more peaceful.
I'd add more, but I need to leave for work. Later
I want to be FREE!
