CatMan: Hello Kitty!

[Have at ye]

Thanks a lot for the comments and subscribes, gents. I am very thankful, this is my first journal in quite awhile, eager to get back into it.

Hey Shannon!

What you've said is largely what I expected was the case, given what I've read about similar things here over time and your comments about them. Makes sense. The subconscious having such a tie to weight=security is indeed strange. I mean, I can see it's logic in your past situation where the woman was raped, so her mind decided if she was unattractive, then she wouldn't have that kind of sexual attention required to be at risk of being raped again. However...maybe it's similar here. I have fears about women and past treatment and pain. So, the subconscious may want to pile on weight, to make itself unattractive, so it isn't at "risk" of more pain and negative interactions. I'm not saying it's the "same" as rape at all, that is horrifying. But, just trying to figure out the logic. My case is just some bad binging urges that are very potent, not the horror she went through, different universes. In time, maybe this version can clean this up, we will see.

I added one more part, in an accidental quoted post above, that I have asked to be deleted since it's redundant. I edited the first post as I wanted to originally, with a part about pain in my head. I assume that's similar to the reason for the stomach pain? What about the dreams I posted? They seemed interesting to me, seems like somewhat obvious FRM work on women and my past etc.? Disappointing reaction from that one girl, but that was only day 1 of use I admit.

I have found that in general, certain personality types tend to associate physical weight/body fat with "security".  There does not need to be any particular association beyond that - no rape necessary, for example.  As to exactly why this is, I have only a theory that perhaps this part of the awareness associates the sensations created by extra weight with security because it is more like being in utero, or perhaps because it enhances the sensation of "being physical".  Maybe it reminds the subconscious of being hugged?  Sort of like a thunder sweater for dogs.

Physically, a layer of fat protects your musculature and internal organs against cuts and pointy sticks. It's why historically gladiators looked more like modern WWE heavyweight dudes (the big 'uns), and less like the sculpted Greek gods as often portrayed by modern cinema/TV. They used a very fatty diet, especially for those times.

Also, fat is energy storage that can be used in case of sudden and extended lack. "Better fat now than sorry later"?
It also provides physical warmth/protects from cold, so there might be something to the in utero thing.

For me, I notice I feel the desire to overeat when I feel like I'm losing my footing/grounding. So it may be related to the sensation of "being physical", heavy, steady, grounded. I also feel like doing so when I'm sad, but this might be for the dopamine boost.