09-29-2019, 01:35 PM
I'm going to share what stood out to me this morning. I'm not wishing to violate rule 4.
I went with different thinking (being social), but habitual fears were still present. A couple of things were different for me this time while there.
1. I wasn't seeking everyone's attention. In fact, I felt purposely dismissive of some interactions since I've been a "yes man" in this setting for many years. I've had the same mindset at work, so I'll see how I act tomorrow.
2. When a speaker prompted us all to do something simultaneously, I didn't. I resisted my "follow the crowd" mentality.
3. Immediately after #2 happened, I had this detached clear thought, like "why?" This was new thinking in this setting, for fear of being different has overrun logic many times.
4. When I began leaving like I've always done, part of me felt uncomfortable. This part fought me leaving. But the fear had gotten louder (much), and I left quickly, with mixed feelings.
I did have an attractive woman stop me before I left. I recognized her face. She said we were in teacher certification classes back in 2004, and she's teaching 3rd grade locally. She even remembered my name. I found her attractive... hmmm. We talked for 2 minutes or so before we both departed. I'm glad I had this conversation.
And fear, as a whole, does not seem so powerful presently. But I am running loops now.
I went with different thinking (being social), but habitual fears were still present. A couple of things were different for me this time while there.
1. I wasn't seeking everyone's attention. In fact, I felt purposely dismissive of some interactions since I've been a "yes man" in this setting for many years. I've had the same mindset at work, so I'll see how I act tomorrow.
2. When a speaker prompted us all to do something simultaneously, I didn't. I resisted my "follow the crowd" mentality.
3. Immediately after #2 happened, I had this detached clear thought, like "why?" This was new thinking in this setting, for fear of being different has overrun logic many times.
4. When I began leaving like I've always done, part of me felt uncomfortable. This part fought me leaving. But the fear had gotten louder (much), and I left quickly, with mixed feelings.
I did have an attractive woman stop me before I left. I recognized her face. She said we were in teacher certification classes back in 2004, and she's teaching 3rd grade locally. She even remembered my name. I found her attractive... hmmm. We talked for 2 minutes or so before we both departed. I'm glad I had this conversation.
And fear, as a whole, does not seem so powerful presently. But I am running loops now.
I want to be FREE!
