08-21-2019, 02:30 PM
Thanks Shannon!
I don't know if this is something that the FRM is working on or I'm just pondering more. But humans are very easily killed. I know that sounds morbid, but hear me out. I think a lot of people walk around in denial of their mortality. It's never really called into question until a bad injury or a lot of pain or sickness or really harsh living conditions. I think for me I subconsciously believe anything outside of this immediate bubble I've created for myself is danger. You can see how that's a problem because how do you explore life if you don't put yourself outside of that bubble? Or even I expect horrible things to happen to me if I venture too far from "safety". This is probably due to my upbringing with my Dad to be honest. He grew up in the Bronx and life lessons from him were danger around every corner, eye's open at all times, be cautious, etc. He meant well, but I think it just systematically taught me fear to an absurd degree.
Perfect example. I went to a techno show in Brooklyn a few weeks ago. I wasn't too familiar with the area. So right away I felt a little unsure. The venue was the back of some bar, not all that official. Alright, it happens and not every show is at an official venue. So I'm in there enjoying the music when I see out of the corner of my eye some dude slumped in a chair with his hand around his stomach. A whole bunch of other guys surrounding him and then a security guy walks in with a flashlight looking for stuff. My first reaction? That dude got shot. Turns out he was just really drunk. But the fact that my mind escalated that fast was because I was raised with so much fear. That and I admit I'm sheltered as hell. I'm not tough in any way, I haven't faced a lot of adversity in life. Just scared to death of most things. It's probably comical to most people that live in that area that I thought that way because I wasn't in a ghetto or anything, just a city. Just typical suburban kid fright. Except I'm 28 so I'm a grown adult.
Anyway this leads into my next topic. I've been talking with someone that says I should really travel outside of the US to get some perspective. But of course where does my mind go? Fear. I think if I leave the US something terrible will happen. I don't really have freedom because about 90% of my decisions in life have been dictated by fear. You can't experience the world in it's entirety if you're afraid of everything except those things within your immediate circle of comfort. That's where I really want to be. I want the whole world to be open to me. Not this tiny circle I've constructed for myself.
So yeah, I'm kind of seeing how this fear goes way deeper than worrying what people think about me like I originally thought. Although I guess that is a component if you consider the ramifications of being ostracized in society. Maybe not modern day, but a long time ago in tribes or groups. If you were an outlier there was a strong possibility you were a dead man. Completely absurd to have these fears, but I guess better I understand them and acknowledge what I'm working with no matter how ridiculous it seems.
I don't know if this is something that the FRM is working on or I'm just pondering more. But humans are very easily killed. I know that sounds morbid, but hear me out. I think a lot of people walk around in denial of their mortality. It's never really called into question until a bad injury or a lot of pain or sickness or really harsh living conditions. I think for me I subconsciously believe anything outside of this immediate bubble I've created for myself is danger. You can see how that's a problem because how do you explore life if you don't put yourself outside of that bubble? Or even I expect horrible things to happen to me if I venture too far from "safety". This is probably due to my upbringing with my Dad to be honest. He grew up in the Bronx and life lessons from him were danger around every corner, eye's open at all times, be cautious, etc. He meant well, but I think it just systematically taught me fear to an absurd degree.
Perfect example. I went to a techno show in Brooklyn a few weeks ago. I wasn't too familiar with the area. So right away I felt a little unsure. The venue was the back of some bar, not all that official. Alright, it happens and not every show is at an official venue. So I'm in there enjoying the music when I see out of the corner of my eye some dude slumped in a chair with his hand around his stomach. A whole bunch of other guys surrounding him and then a security guy walks in with a flashlight looking for stuff. My first reaction? That dude got shot. Turns out he was just really drunk. But the fact that my mind escalated that fast was because I was raised with so much fear. That and I admit I'm sheltered as hell. I'm not tough in any way, I haven't faced a lot of adversity in life. Just scared to death of most things. It's probably comical to most people that live in that area that I thought that way because I wasn't in a ghetto or anything, just a city. Just typical suburban kid fright. Except I'm 28 so I'm a grown adult.
Anyway this leads into my next topic. I've been talking with someone that says I should really travel outside of the US to get some perspective. But of course where does my mind go? Fear. I think if I leave the US something terrible will happen. I don't really have freedom because about 90% of my decisions in life have been dictated by fear. You can't experience the world in it's entirety if you're afraid of everything except those things within your immediate circle of comfort. That's where I really want to be. I want the whole world to be open to me. Not this tiny circle I've constructed for myself.
So yeah, I'm kind of seeing how this fear goes way deeper than worrying what people think about me like I originally thought. Although I guess that is a component if you consider the ramifications of being ostracized in society. Maybe not modern day, but a long time ago in tribes or groups. If you were an outlier there was a strong possibility you were a dead man. Completely absurd to have these fears, but I guess better I understand them and acknowledge what I'm working with no matter how ridiculous it seems.
INFP
