08-01-2019, 01:52 AM
I’m still feeling intensely focused seven days after running a single loop. Whatever my subconscious is doing, it’s really on task. I haven’t felt bored once in all these hours of extra work which amounts mostly of sitting there. I also haven’t had to fight sleep once despite working 72 hours a week of overnights. My co workers are asking me how I do it.
The wife starts UMS tomorrow night. I had an interesting conversation with her tonight. She said that she feels that she is in a downward spiral. She said that she feels that there’s no hope because she is 39, has MS and has no job. I asked her what would help and she responded with a list of ways of getting money by extreme luck.
I told her that I wasn’t sure how things would get better, but I knew that we could make it happen. It didn’t feel like a platitude either.
During that conversation I felt a sensation that I can only describe as backpull from or relating to her. I’ve been feeling it throughout my sub journey this year. I have been doing everything I can to rise and become the man I was always supposed to be and she is so scared of change, or me growing beyond her, or some other bloody thing that she at least subconsciously tries to pull me back down to the depressed hopeless place that I was and she still is.
It feels kind of like dragging someone up a mountain who is letting you do the work and occasionally tries to go back the other way. I’m stronger so I am making progress, but not as much as I could be if she was pulling in the same direction.
Hopefully that ends tomorrow, as she’s finally going to start on an advanced sub. It was the right catalyst for me, hopefully it will be for her too.
The wife starts UMS tomorrow night. I had an interesting conversation with her tonight. She said that she feels that she is in a downward spiral. She said that she feels that there’s no hope because she is 39, has MS and has no job. I asked her what would help and she responded with a list of ways of getting money by extreme luck.
I told her that I wasn’t sure how things would get better, but I knew that we could make it happen. It didn’t feel like a platitude either.
During that conversation I felt a sensation that I can only describe as backpull from or relating to her. I’ve been feeling it throughout my sub journey this year. I have been doing everything I can to rise and become the man I was always supposed to be and she is so scared of change, or me growing beyond her, or some other bloody thing that she at least subconsciously tries to pull me back down to the depressed hopeless place that I was and she still is.
It feels kind of like dragging someone up a mountain who is letting you do the work and occasionally tries to go back the other way. I’m stronger so I am making progress, but not as much as I could be if she was pulling in the same direction.
Hopefully that ends tomorrow, as she’s finally going to start on an advanced sub. It was the right catalyst for me, hopefully it will be for her too.
