07-28-2019, 10:13 AM
Turned on LTU to get some exposure in because I started feeling suffocated today.
I think part of the problem is I don't know how to communicate to my subconscious that it's ok to move forward. I have a history of constantly pushing myself more and more to improve, but each step of the way it's like a deeper part of me got traumatized more. I don't know if trust is even a concept the subconscious understands, but really I feel like I've violated that in the past.
I'm very divided in my head. One one hand I guess I had enough willpower to do what needed to be done. But on the other hand there's a part of me that hasn't quite followed along and has lagged behind.
While listening for a few minutes today I got a very strong reaction from a part of me saying I can't do this and wanting to cry. I know I don't feel that way as a whole, but I do feel that way on some level. And I know it has tremendous pull on everything in my life. It's hard to move forward when a part of you is terrified to near tears. And I think for me my initial reaction to these emotions was always more of a "stop doing that" vs an understanding. Basically like a negligent parent not providing emotional support when it's needed the most. At times it feels like I wear the persona of an adult like a costume because I feel like 90% of how I really feel is more akin to a kid that's terrified of everything.
I think part of the problem is I don't know how to communicate to my subconscious that it's ok to move forward. I have a history of constantly pushing myself more and more to improve, but each step of the way it's like a deeper part of me got traumatized more. I don't know if trust is even a concept the subconscious understands, but really I feel like I've violated that in the past.
I'm very divided in my head. One one hand I guess I had enough willpower to do what needed to be done. But on the other hand there's a part of me that hasn't quite followed along and has lagged behind.
While listening for a few minutes today I got a very strong reaction from a part of me saying I can't do this and wanting to cry. I know I don't feel that way as a whole, but I do feel that way on some level. And I know it has tremendous pull on everything in my life. It's hard to move forward when a part of you is terrified to near tears. And I think for me my initial reaction to these emotions was always more of a "stop doing that" vs an understanding. Basically like a negligent parent not providing emotional support when it's needed the most. At times it feels like I wear the persona of an adult like a costume because I feel like 90% of how I really feel is more akin to a kid that's terrified of everything.
INFP
