07-25-2019, 04:54 PM
A little back and forth in my life currently. It seems that the idea of change is interesting to me but it's not quite at the surface level of action. Currently using Ultrasonic version instead of hybrid which wears me out. 1X3 then break, still trying to find a decent number of days off. 3 is too little I think.
I'm seeing some of the results already happening is actually frustrating me. Not anyone's fault and I'm not blaming you for my emotions it's just hard seeing you all getting "better" manifested results and me still feeling like I'm sitting at the starting line. I know that the goal is important and where you start from may cause you to take longer to get there.
At the same time, I'm seeing flashes of a new version of myself. The version that realizes that I am free to choose whatever I wish whenever I wish to. That little flash is causing a great deal of tension and at the same time, frustration.
What I am about to say next is probably one of the most profound and somewhat scary realizations I have ever had in my life.
I think I am ready, or almost ready, to leave behind allowing my beliefs about who
I was dictate who I am and will be.
This is not easy and I can see why many would choose not to. One of the first reactions to this idea is a straight-up identity crisis as well as a challenge to most of the way we have come to understand ourselves via intuition and feelings, and by feelings I mean more than just emotions. How much of a sense of existence do we get from traumatic events in our lives? Most likely more than we would readily admit. The feelings surrounding traumatic events can give us a deep sense of comfort in knowing that we "exist". Those feelings, even though they are bad, provide a twisted sense of validity to our experience of life and we are very hesitant, our outright afraid to give them up because if we do who or what are we? This leads to a life that can no longer be considered as being fully lived in the present as part of us becomes stunted due to trauma and we usually never fully process through that to move on. I can no longer be considered whole or fully present in the wondrous way children are in every moment.
However, I do not think that we need to let the past define us if we do not wish to. I am settling into the belief that I don't have to stay there if I don't want anymore. I am finding out more and more that the phrase " As a man thinks in his heart, so he is" is one of the truest phrases I have ever heard in life. Think about it, how fair is it for the things that happened in our lives in the past or when we were younger to define us for the rest of our lives? I'm also arriving at the concept that any defense against that concept is based on wrong "heart thoughts" aka beliefs or a desire to keep those negative past experiences based on the fear of losing a sense of identity or a fear of the unknown that says that if we leave that behind there may be something worse that comes along. It is my personal opinion that traumatic events that define us for our lives are a twisted version of attaining a sense of identity and should be purged for the sake of the individual.
I have events in my history that I want to keep and want to go back to as a signpost that points me back to a sense of identity in difficult times and to be a linchpin for me to hold onto when things get rough. However, I don't want those to be traumatic or debilitating in any way, shape or form. I also do not believe that we were wired to be that way either. Now granted we can turn a negative into a positive and it can be a badge of honor or it can be worked out for our good. I'm just not comfortable with letting events that produced trauma sit and continue to fester in me all the while sapping my potential and killing my productivity in making this world a better place
Long story short, I think the FRM module is working better than it ever has on me.
I'm seeing some of the results already happening is actually frustrating me. Not anyone's fault and I'm not blaming you for my emotions it's just hard seeing you all getting "better" manifested results and me still feeling like I'm sitting at the starting line. I know that the goal is important and where you start from may cause you to take longer to get there.
At the same time, I'm seeing flashes of a new version of myself. The version that realizes that I am free to choose whatever I wish whenever I wish to. That little flash is causing a great deal of tension and at the same time, frustration.
What I am about to say next is probably one of the most profound and somewhat scary realizations I have ever had in my life.
I think I am ready, or almost ready, to leave behind allowing my beliefs about who
I was dictate who I am and will be.
This is not easy and I can see why many would choose not to. One of the first reactions to this idea is a straight-up identity crisis as well as a challenge to most of the way we have come to understand ourselves via intuition and feelings, and by feelings I mean more than just emotions. How much of a sense of existence do we get from traumatic events in our lives? Most likely more than we would readily admit. The feelings surrounding traumatic events can give us a deep sense of comfort in knowing that we "exist". Those feelings, even though they are bad, provide a twisted sense of validity to our experience of life and we are very hesitant, our outright afraid to give them up because if we do who or what are we? This leads to a life that can no longer be considered as being fully lived in the present as part of us becomes stunted due to trauma and we usually never fully process through that to move on. I can no longer be considered whole or fully present in the wondrous way children are in every moment.
However, I do not think that we need to let the past define us if we do not wish to. I am settling into the belief that I don't have to stay there if I don't want anymore. I am finding out more and more that the phrase " As a man thinks in his heart, so he is" is one of the truest phrases I have ever heard in life. Think about it, how fair is it for the things that happened in our lives in the past or when we were younger to define us for the rest of our lives? I'm also arriving at the concept that any defense against that concept is based on wrong "heart thoughts" aka beliefs or a desire to keep those negative past experiences based on the fear of losing a sense of identity or a fear of the unknown that says that if we leave that behind there may be something worse that comes along. It is my personal opinion that traumatic events that define us for our lives are a twisted version of attaining a sense of identity and should be purged for the sake of the individual.
I have events in my history that I want to keep and want to go back to as a signpost that points me back to a sense of identity in difficult times and to be a linchpin for me to hold onto when things get rough. However, I don't want those to be traumatic or debilitating in any way, shape or form. I also do not believe that we were wired to be that way either. Now granted we can turn a negative into a positive and it can be a badge of honor or it can be worked out for our good. I'm just not comfortable with letting events that produced trauma sit and continue to fester in me all the while sapping my potential and killing my productivity in making this world a better place
Long story short, I think the FRM module is working better than it ever has on me.
