I'm back!
It's been a long time since the last port, I feel very ... different.
I came to update the journal because based on my plan, this is the time.
quick post:
Change of the plan. At first I intended to continue updating the journal not long after the last post, but the plan didn't work so I changed the plan maybe a few months ago. I stopped using ASC and start using E1. At one point I realized that ASC's performance for me at the time was not working as good as I wanted, some of my goals using ASC had been reached, and I also thought that at that time I was better off using E1. So, I started thinking about making decisions based on the goals I wanted to achieve at that time and making sure that this was not self-sabotaging behavior. So, besides about updating the journal, this is what I changed.
ASC results in a nutshell. Even though in terms of performance ASC in this run is not good enough for me, but in term of result is quite satisfying. I use ASC with a specific purpose related to my project, one example is taking action, executing my plan makes me have to go to a public place that I have never visited before, considering I have severe anxiety, going to a place like that can be very scary. In ASC I'm more of an action taker. It was quite satisfying in my opinion though when viewed in terms of ASC performance for me it was not good enough. I now also know better that self-confidence is more than what I previously thought. Also, I don't know whether it's intentional or because I used AM6 before, or something else but I'm more like James Bond, can make witty comments, come back, more persuasive, more "smooth", I feel more cool and tough when taking action (this is different feeling when I using AM6). Apart from that, using ASC also affects things like self-love, self-esteem, boundaries. That is the part that I am very sure of and still remember. The last point I want to mention is the effect of ASC that I don't know, my theory is that it might have something to do with chakra, aura or vibration. One of them is that I started to know what I didn't know before in my life, some examples were some of my friends turned out to be fake friends, started acting "weird" after I used ASC, my parents (father) were quite narcissitic (its more than toxic people), [edited as per rule 4]. Also one of my neighbors. Many of my distant families also turned out to be toxic. Most of what I know and mention are people who I'm very sure have a narcissistic mental disorder. [edited as per rule 4], after I observed at least one person has been spying on me for a long time, perhaps since I was in class 2 or 3 vocational high school.
How is my life now and what I do. From one side my life got worse and on the other side my life got better. I'm still far from the life I want. There are many that I want and will learn from all this and there is still a lot that I have to achieve. I also have to repair the damage. Some of the biggest damage in my opinion is about the failure while achieving my goal, [edited as per rule 4]. I've been using E1 for quite a long time, even though my usage isn't good enough, I can say E1's performance for current run exceeds the standard. And even though like I said before I am still far from the life I want, but so far there have been many things that happened that I will give a big point, and yes, E1 helped me fix some of the damage I mentioned above. The part that I've always wondered is why most of the time when I got a lot of effect I'm not writing a journal. That is still a mystery. And, this is the last thing that is difficult to express in words I feel very happy that after all this time in struggle and every day feels more difficult with every attempt. I was finally able to "assemble the first and most important puzzle" to get out of the seemengly never ending groundhog day, and finally be able to move forward. That's enough about E1, for now. I plan to make a separate journal, but before that I will review some posts in this journal because there are some things that I need to clarify to avoid misunderstandings. I planned to write the journal when I reached the "checkpoint" achieving my goal. After finishing writing a journal I will work on a project that I named "Man of Action", something I create while running ASC. I still don't know what the overall goal of this project is, what I know exactly now is that this project serves to do other tasks that I have to do when I try to reach my main goal. In addition, this project also functions to control the important areas of life (such as physical and financial life) to achieve goals. The next life area that I will work on is financial life, finally after all this time.
It's been a long time since the last port, I feel very ... different.
I came to update the journal because based on my plan, this is the time.
quick post:
Change of the plan. At first I intended to continue updating the journal not long after the last post, but the plan didn't work so I changed the plan maybe a few months ago. I stopped using ASC and start using E1. At one point I realized that ASC's performance for me at the time was not working as good as I wanted, some of my goals using ASC had been reached, and I also thought that at that time I was better off using E1. So, I started thinking about making decisions based on the goals I wanted to achieve at that time and making sure that this was not self-sabotaging behavior. So, besides about updating the journal, this is what I changed.
ASC results in a nutshell. Even though in terms of performance ASC in this run is not good enough for me, but in term of result is quite satisfying. I use ASC with a specific purpose related to my project, one example is taking action, executing my plan makes me have to go to a public place that I have never visited before, considering I have severe anxiety, going to a place like that can be very scary. In ASC I'm more of an action taker. It was quite satisfying in my opinion though when viewed in terms of ASC performance for me it was not good enough. I now also know better that self-confidence is more than what I previously thought. Also, I don't know whether it's intentional or because I used AM6 before, or something else but I'm more like James Bond, can make witty comments, come back, more persuasive, more "smooth", I feel more cool and tough when taking action (this is different feeling when I using AM6). Apart from that, using ASC also affects things like self-love, self-esteem, boundaries. That is the part that I am very sure of and still remember. The last point I want to mention is the effect of ASC that I don't know, my theory is that it might have something to do with chakra, aura or vibration. One of them is that I started to know what I didn't know before in my life, some examples were some of my friends turned out to be fake friends, started acting "weird" after I used ASC, my parents (father) were quite narcissitic (its more than toxic people), [edited as per rule 4]. Also one of my neighbors. Many of my distant families also turned out to be toxic. Most of what I know and mention are people who I'm very sure have a narcissistic mental disorder. [edited as per rule 4], after I observed at least one person has been spying on me for a long time, perhaps since I was in class 2 or 3 vocational high school.
How is my life now and what I do. From one side my life got worse and on the other side my life got better. I'm still far from the life I want. There are many that I want and will learn from all this and there is still a lot that I have to achieve. I also have to repair the damage. Some of the biggest damage in my opinion is about the failure while achieving my goal, [edited as per rule 4]. I've been using E1 for quite a long time, even though my usage isn't good enough, I can say E1's performance for current run exceeds the standard. And even though like I said before I am still far from the life I want, but so far there have been many things that happened that I will give a big point, and yes, E1 helped me fix some of the damage I mentioned above. The part that I've always wondered is why most of the time when I got a lot of effect I'm not writing a journal. That is still a mystery. And, this is the last thing that is difficult to express in words I feel very happy that after all this time in struggle and every day feels more difficult with every attempt. I was finally able to "assemble the first and most important puzzle" to get out of the seemengly never ending groundhog day, and finally be able to move forward. That's enough about E1, for now. I plan to make a separate journal, but before that I will review some posts in this journal because there are some things that I need to clarify to avoid misunderstandings. I planned to write the journal when I reached the "checkpoint" achieving my goal. After finishing writing a journal I will work on a project that I named "Man of Action", something I create while running ASC. I still don't know what the overall goal of this project is, what I know exactly now is that this project serves to do other tasks that I have to do when I try to reach my main goal. In addition, this project also functions to control the important areas of life (such as physical and financial life) to achieve goals. The next life area that I will work on is financial life, finally after all this time.
confucious
