06-29-2019, 04:18 AM
Another quick thought. I feel like I'm not connecting with my music as much lately. I thought to myself, if I was the only person to ever hear this stuff what would I create? And I realized I haven't been creating what I actually want lately. I've just been obsessed with what I should be good at. The truth is sometimes when I create stuff it's very melancholic, I feel as if my real emotions flood my music. And there's a backlog of a lot of sadness and lost feelings. I've been trying to avoid these thematic ruts, but is that really what I should be doing? I guess to some extent there is still that fear "is anybody else going to like this?" I'm still very self conscious of my music and I feel as if I do hold back or I feel ashamed when I fully express myself. Like it's self centered and narcissistic. Or like I'm trying to be deeper than I actually am. I guess it really just boils down to still fearing what people think of me and altering my behavior to limit possible criticism. Thing is, that doesn't work for art. You do that and you cut off the source of what makes your art unique.
INFP
