06-27-2019, 04:40 PM
Finished a song today, I think. You know I can't tell when something is "finished". I can go back and revise stuff forever. Sometimes I feel like my stuff should have something more to it. Like being longer, more variation, more unique sounds, etc. If I go down that rabbit hole I inevitably end up with something that sucks. Maybe not sucks, but loses the original soul of the piece so to speak. Basically this quote sums it up.
Upon further reflection I think I'm way too hard on myself with these works. I spend a decent amount of time on them and energy, sometimes they don't come out like how I want them to. Instead of seeing them as a waste of time or a failure to measure up to my standards I can see them as growth in the direction I want. If I never completed them I would never learn. Each completed song, no matter how basic, is a step further towards my goals and isn't a waste of time.
I think a lot of this "wasted time" perspective comes from living in a place that doesn't value art unless it generates some kind of income. The value of creative ideas represented in some form of medium, it's an amazing thing humans do. But it's shrugged off as childish to some.
Overall I'm still finding myself getting stuck when writing new songs. I think a lot of it is still fear. Probably most of it. There's probably a part of me that fears the finished piece not matching up to my creative vision, so it stalls me in any way possible. If I don't finish anything, technically there's nothing there to compare. Not just songwriting either. I've been trying to learn to play the piano, more music theory, sound design, and mess around with a new synth I got. But I find myself procrastinating in some form or only doing a little bit then getting tired. It's like my mind runs out the clock on the day until it hits about 9pm then goes "welp looks like we have to go to sleep, can't do any of this stuff today!"
I've got so much to learn and practice, it's a bit overwhelming at times. I'm trying to take it in bits and pieces, but I really wish I was more consistent. But it seems like if I try to take in as much at one time I really miss a lot and it turns into this fear based learning where I feel like I'm going against some countdown timer. Between my job and every day tasks, I find it hard to have the energy to get this stuff done sometimes. I can't tell if that's resistance from my subconscious mind or if I need to work within my energy limits right now.
Quote:In the eyes of those who anxiously seek perfection, a work is never truly completed—a word that for them has no sense—but abandoned; and this abandonment, of the book to the fire or to the public, whether due to weariness or to a need to deliver it for publication, is a sort of accident, comparable to the letting-go of an idea that has become so tiring or annoying that one has lost all interest in it.
Upon further reflection I think I'm way too hard on myself with these works. I spend a decent amount of time on them and energy, sometimes they don't come out like how I want them to. Instead of seeing them as a waste of time or a failure to measure up to my standards I can see them as growth in the direction I want. If I never completed them I would never learn. Each completed song, no matter how basic, is a step further towards my goals and isn't a waste of time.
I think a lot of this "wasted time" perspective comes from living in a place that doesn't value art unless it generates some kind of income. The value of creative ideas represented in some form of medium, it's an amazing thing humans do. But it's shrugged off as childish to some.
Overall I'm still finding myself getting stuck when writing new songs. I think a lot of it is still fear. Probably most of it. There's probably a part of me that fears the finished piece not matching up to my creative vision, so it stalls me in any way possible. If I don't finish anything, technically there's nothing there to compare. Not just songwriting either. I've been trying to learn to play the piano, more music theory, sound design, and mess around with a new synth I got. But I find myself procrastinating in some form or only doing a little bit then getting tired. It's like my mind runs out the clock on the day until it hits about 9pm then goes "welp looks like we have to go to sleep, can't do any of this stuff today!"
I've got so much to learn and practice, it's a bit overwhelming at times. I'm trying to take it in bits and pieces, but I really wish I was more consistent. But it seems like if I try to take in as much at one time I really miss a lot and it turns into this fear based learning where I feel like I'm going against some countdown timer. Between my job and every day tasks, I find it hard to have the energy to get this stuff done sometimes. I can't tell if that's resistance from my subconscious mind or if I need to work within my energy limits right now.
INFP
