The pattern I noticed last time I refinanced the house while on USLM1 is at least partly holding true this time. Problems crop up that would normally derail things, but through a combination of good problem solving and luck, I’m able to find a solution. This time it took a fairly large chunk of money to do some mumbo jumbo to get something on the wife’s credit report changed quickly. We were able to come up up with it with a good thought and a bit of luck so as of Monday everything is back on track. A bit delayed, but nothing we can’t handle.
Once again I have to mention that while this is stressful, it doesn’t feel nearly as bad as it did last time. USLM1 helped me get it done, and I’m pretty sure I couldn’t have gotten through that minefield without it, I was sick to my stomach with tension for pretty much the whole time. Now, I just feel a bit stressed out when it looks like something is going wrong. I really have to think about it to realize there’s been a change though.
I also had an internal realization. A lot of why I am some of the ways that I am is that practically speaking, well, I’d say it came from my childhood, but the problem is I never had one. My parents were both so messed up that I had to be the only adult in the room all the time starting at age six or seven. It was up to me to hold everything together and make sure everything came out ok while everyone around me crumbled. I also had to be an emotional (and sometimes physical in the case of my mother) punching bag for two emotionally damaged people. Of course, my adult role didn’t extend to the adult authority so I really had the bad Peet’s of the child role and the adult role. That sucked.
I
I mention this because I know that since I didn’t see all this stuff earlier I have chosen personal relationships which mimic my circumstances growing up. It’s also probably why I come off as overly serious a lot of the time, and am not the most sociable person. I don’t know what I’m going to do about this, but getting a clear picture of it is the first step. I am quite sure that this is a result of LTU5.
Once again I have to mention that while this is stressful, it doesn’t feel nearly as bad as it did last time. USLM1 helped me get it done, and I’m pretty sure I couldn’t have gotten through that minefield without it, I was sick to my stomach with tension for pretty much the whole time. Now, I just feel a bit stressed out when it looks like something is going wrong. I really have to think about it to realize there’s been a change though.
I also had an internal realization. A lot of why I am some of the ways that I am is that practically speaking, well, I’d say it came from my childhood, but the problem is I never had one. My parents were both so messed up that I had to be the only adult in the room all the time starting at age six or seven. It was up to me to hold everything together and make sure everything came out ok while everyone around me crumbled. I also had to be an emotional (and sometimes physical in the case of my mother) punching bag for two emotionally damaged people. Of course, my adult role didn’t extend to the adult authority so I really had the bad Peet’s of the child role and the adult role. That sucked.
I
I mention this because I know that since I didn’t see all this stuff earlier I have chosen personal relationships which mimic my circumstances growing up. It’s also probably why I come off as overly serious a lot of the time, and am not the most sociable person. I don’t know what I’m going to do about this, but getting a clear picture of it is the first step. I am quite sure that this is a result of LTU5.
