06-17-2019, 03:53 PM
Yeah, feeling a bit better now.
The conclusion I arrived at: the designee is sweet and sunshine and rainbows and everything (and about a 9-10, BTW), but she *is* an aristocrat and I've seen her work over people (myself included). I also know how she truly feels about me (that gig incident and other times when she was unable to maintain composure in my presence), and she should be smart enough to know that I know. This is going to be a contest of wills now.
The remnants of my depression and that dead part in myself (which got so scared by what I was doing that I experienced what I now see was a mini-anxiety attack) are willing to give themselves up totally just in order to get a little sunshine. Thing is, I *might* prevail were I to do so, given I'm running DMSI and everything. Trouble is, it's not what she actually wants. So were I to do so, she would stop liking me so much and eventually get bored and/or start looking around for better prospects. Been there, done that.
She's looking for someone who is at the very least her equal in power, and most probably is looking for someone with enough power to actually subjugate her - not in a crude or violent manner, but with will.
I am also taking steps to once and for all heal/remove/resolve that depressive part of me. This ends now. I do not ever want to experience shit like that again.
The conclusion I arrived at: the designee is sweet and sunshine and rainbows and everything (and about a 9-10, BTW), but she *is* an aristocrat and I've seen her work over people (myself included). I also know how she truly feels about me (that gig incident and other times when she was unable to maintain composure in my presence), and she should be smart enough to know that I know. This is going to be a contest of wills now.
The remnants of my depression and that dead part in myself (which got so scared by what I was doing that I experienced what I now see was a mini-anxiety attack) are willing to give themselves up totally just in order to get a little sunshine. Thing is, I *might* prevail were I to do so, given I'm running DMSI and everything. Trouble is, it's not what she actually wants. So were I to do so, she would stop liking me so much and eventually get bored and/or start looking around for better prospects. Been there, done that.
She's looking for someone who is at the very least her equal in power, and most probably is looking for someone with enough power to actually subjugate her - not in a crude or violent manner, but with will.
I am also taking steps to once and for all heal/remove/resolve that depressive part of me. This ends now. I do not ever want to experience shit like that again.
"A man who is doing his True Will has the inertia of the Universe to assist him." - A. Crowley
