And I'm posting yet again about a sub that I'm no longer running. Gotta stop doing that. 
Presuming that the semi-recent crop of "desire as fuel" posts are referencing this post by me in April, it seems that I've been misunderstood on a few key points, and, upon reflection, I think that I now see why that was.
Given that assumption, I'll hike up my suspenders, take the responsibility for the miscommunication, and reiterate:
What I was describing was that, during DMSI 3.3.x (not strictly because of DMSI 3.3.x), I'd observed myself feeling disconnected from my imagination and memories inside of relationships with my existing sexual partners and feeling less sexual connection and desire inside these relationships, two of which have each intermittently spanned a quarter century. Yes, inside relationships. Disconnected, like a spectator of my sexual relationships' past and present rather than as a historical and current participant inside them. Less connected to their past or future, relying very heavily on the present moment, but without really feeling like I was even in the present moment myself as much as watching it from a distance.
This had nothing to do with fantasizing abstractly about "women" (or any other gender that you are most... etc), and I apologize for not emphasizing that distinction in my earlier post. To the best of my recollection, my abstract sexual imagination was barely affected during 3.3.x. I have real partners, in reality, who typically outdo all of my fantasies anyhow, so, for me, abstract fantasizing hardly matters. Or, maybe, my abstract fantasies just aren't very good. Sexual dreams had been far fewer during 3.3.x, I'll admit, but the ones that I did have were still abstract ones, not dreams that included my partners.
So, really, what some readers may have thought that I was reporting in my post was, as far as I can tell, its converse. Or, maybe, its isomer? The omission of abstract fantasies in that earlier post, as I didn't find those fantasies important enough to mention, appears to have made them into the only thing that readers thought that I'd meant. Hello, irony, my old face-palm.
Anyhow, if the Wall only blocks escape routes (as Shannon diligently reminds us), I really can't compute how sexual creativity and historical connection with my sexual partners (what I was actually describing in that past post) would ever be an escape route from DMSI. This is why, two posts above this one, I balked at RT's assertion that these effects were caused by the Wall. For me, the diagnosis only barely fit the symptoms. If you stretched it. A lot.
If Shannon believes that the effect (that I've hopefully made clearer in this post) had anything to do with the Wall (which his replies to others only presented as an "if" conditional about escape routes), I would be interested in learning why he'd think that my female-initiated sexual relationships had been escape routes from DMSI. Of course, nothing that he's said so far would lead me to guess that he'd think that.
Or that this had anything to do with the Wall.
Either way, I'm not on DMSI right now, as mentioned previously, so the point may be a moot one. But I didn't want to let the misunderstanding continue unaddressed, since it seems to have stirred up some mistrust about the Wall. That was not even remotely my intention.
Presuming that the semi-recent crop of "desire as fuel" posts are referencing this post by me in April, it seems that I've been misunderstood on a few key points, and, upon reflection, I think that I now see why that was.
Given that assumption, I'll hike up my suspenders, take the responsibility for the miscommunication, and reiterate:
What I was describing was that, during DMSI 3.3.x (not strictly because of DMSI 3.3.x), I'd observed myself feeling disconnected from my imagination and memories inside of relationships with my existing sexual partners and feeling less sexual connection and desire inside these relationships, two of which have each intermittently spanned a quarter century. Yes, inside relationships. Disconnected, like a spectator of my sexual relationships' past and present rather than as a historical and current participant inside them. Less connected to their past or future, relying very heavily on the present moment, but without really feeling like I was even in the present moment myself as much as watching it from a distance.
This had nothing to do with fantasizing abstractly about "women" (or any other gender that you are most... etc), and I apologize for not emphasizing that distinction in my earlier post. To the best of my recollection, my abstract sexual imagination was barely affected during 3.3.x. I have real partners, in reality, who typically outdo all of my fantasies anyhow, so, for me, abstract fantasizing hardly matters. Or, maybe, my abstract fantasies just aren't very good.
Sexual dreams had been far fewer during 3.3.x, I'll admit, but the ones that I did have were still abstract ones, not dreams that included my partners.So, really, what some readers may have thought that I was reporting in my post was, as far as I can tell, its converse. Or, maybe, its isomer? The omission of abstract fantasies in that earlier post, as I didn't find those fantasies important enough to mention, appears to have made them into the only thing that readers thought that I'd meant. Hello, irony, my old face-palm.
Anyhow, if the Wall only blocks escape routes (as Shannon diligently reminds us), I really can't compute how sexual creativity and historical connection with my sexual partners (what I was actually describing in that past post) would ever be an escape route from DMSI. This is why, two posts above this one, I balked at RT's assertion that these effects were caused by the Wall. For me, the diagnosis only barely fit the symptoms. If you stretched it. A lot.
If Shannon believes that the effect (that I've hopefully made clearer in this post) had anything to do with the Wall (which his replies to others only presented as an "if" conditional about escape routes), I would be interested in learning why he'd think that my female-initiated sexual relationships had been escape routes from DMSI. Of course, nothing that he's said so far would lead me to guess that he'd think that.
Or that this had anything to do with the Wall. Either way, I'm not on DMSI right now, as mentioned previously, so the point may be a moot one. But I didn't want to let the misunderstanding continue unaddressed, since it seems to have stirred up some mistrust about the Wall. That was not even remotely my intention.
