05-07-2019, 04:19 PM
Yeah I have to work on that.
2 days off were rough. I reread my breakthrough a couple of posts back. My biggest issue is understanding this on an intellectual level. But knowing that doesn't change the internalized beliefs unfortunately. It does get me out of that hole of "everything is wrong and will never get better, I'm screwed". However I'm still not there. I think that breakthrough has normalized somewhat now and I'm not consciously thinking of it, but I'm displaying it in my refusal to go back to old defeating ways.
I'm still struggling with creating a life I can be happy with. I've been really tired lately. Forcing myself to make music has been something I've been obsessing a bit about. I've been trying to put my all into it so I can have my life fully immersed in it. But I feel like it's wrong because it's just generating anxiety about making enough money to live off of it.
@Shannon if you get a chance to read this. I feel like I'm doing something wrong. I feel like I'm not trying hard enough. I so desperately want to push myself as far away from this life I'm living now, but I feel like I can't get there. It's the most frustrating feeling for me. Being completely dissatisfied with how my life is, but not having the strength to change it. I keep thinking maybe I have to visualize more, act as if I am where i want to be to further cement the beliefs or align me with what I want. I don't know if this is possible, but I actually feel worse doing those things like affirmations, visualization, or whatever conscious oriented technique for life guidance in general. It's almost like it's so far out of the realm of possibility for me it hurts to even entertain the thoughts and it even backfires and causes me to think more negatively. And then when that negativity hits it's like an awful cycle I get into of negativity about experiencing negativity when trying to affirm positive things.
2 days off were rough. I reread my breakthrough a couple of posts back. My biggest issue is understanding this on an intellectual level. But knowing that doesn't change the internalized beliefs unfortunately. It does get me out of that hole of "everything is wrong and will never get better, I'm screwed". However I'm still not there. I think that breakthrough has normalized somewhat now and I'm not consciously thinking of it, but I'm displaying it in my refusal to go back to old defeating ways.
I'm still struggling with creating a life I can be happy with. I've been really tired lately. Forcing myself to make music has been something I've been obsessing a bit about. I've been trying to put my all into it so I can have my life fully immersed in it. But I feel like it's wrong because it's just generating anxiety about making enough money to live off of it.
@Shannon if you get a chance to read this. I feel like I'm doing something wrong. I feel like I'm not trying hard enough. I so desperately want to push myself as far away from this life I'm living now, but I feel like I can't get there. It's the most frustrating feeling for me. Being completely dissatisfied with how my life is, but not having the strength to change it. I keep thinking maybe I have to visualize more, act as if I am where i want to be to further cement the beliefs or align me with what I want. I don't know if this is possible, but I actually feel worse doing those things like affirmations, visualization, or whatever conscious oriented technique for life guidance in general. It's almost like it's so far out of the realm of possibility for me it hurts to even entertain the thoughts and it even backfires and causes me to think more negatively. And then when that negativity hits it's like an awful cycle I get into of negativity about experiencing negativity when trying to affirm positive things.
INFP
