(04-19-2019, 04:53 PM)JakeKennedy Wrote:(04-19-2019, 12:00 AM)Paul1131 Wrote: Today something happened at work that made her feel small, so she tried to make herself feel big by belittling me. That’s sad really. From here on, I think the more she acts like that, the more I’m going to detach.
I can tell you for near 100% certainty detaching will not help your situation. If you want to remain in a bad situation and and let her think she is winning with her bad behavior then detaching is the way to go. If you want to have any chance of improving your situation you have to hold her accountable for her behavior much like a child. Things may blow up between you if you hold her accountable but they also may get better.
Personally my default response to a bad situation is detaching. I did it for years. It’s like an ostrich sticking it’s head in the sand. Nowadays anytime I find myself starting to detach I know I’m in a situation where I need to do the complete opposite. Make myself extremely present and proactive. Then the situation improves if it’s a situation which can be improved.
For what it’s worth I really enjoy your journal and hope your situation improves for your and your kids sake!
I think we mean different things by detach. I mean that I am detaching from her, not detaching in general. I.E. I’m not going back to treating her as normal right away when she’s done blowing up. Making some changes to the words and tone of voice I use when talking to her, doing fewer little things, etc. At the same time, I’m calmly calling her out on it every time she does it. You don’t get the best side of me if you treat me like crap whenever you feel like it. If she wants that back, she has to earn it. And not to put too fine a point on it, I may be detaching from her permanently.
