Findingme's LTU5 Journal

[Shannon]

You have to overcome it and outgrow it.  How hard it is depends on you.

I'm realizing I keep making it hard.  "If I focus on it being "hard", noone will ask me what I'm really scared of"

I've been....terrified of failing, for I feel pain just imagining it.  I think I associate it with people leaving me.  Maybe I'm reliving something now, as this is unusually vivid in my emotions.  I must be, as I tried changing my POV, and I felt unable to do so.  Like I'm hanging onto pain.  Why would I do that?  

I'll post this.  Fear is trying to have me delete/ignore this.

The step you need to take then, is to overcome your dependence on others "not leaving you".  You need to make yourself understand that you can make it without others just fine.  You must become your own source of everything you seek from them.  That is when you will stop focusing into the reality that is based on being alone/left by others because that is what you fear and focus on.  Provide for yourself, and you will become invincible.

A lot of guys like to focus on pain because they are taught that it is "the manly thing to do".  Men are taught that they must not only suffer, but do so as a point of pride, seek it out, revel in it.  The old nut about "No pain, no gain" is a prime example of this.  It has been known by science since around the 1960's, IIRC, that you can gain muscle mass simply by intensely visualizing yourself working out every day, instead of actually doing it.  It absolutely does not have to be painful, but because guys have been fed these lies about how "men must suffer, seek out suffering and pretend to enjoy it to be 'real men'" since birth - and they quite naturally believe it, hearing it from everyone and that early on in life - this kind of false crap gets perpetuated.