LTU 5 yeah, I did it too.

[Shannon]

I would suggest that the goal being to joke it off, in any way, is not the right goal.  The goal is, in my opinion, to develop enough strength and self esteem to calmly, but firmly, point out to your wife that her actions are unreasonable and unfair, and that you don't deserve to be treated that way and simply will not be.  That she will treat you with the consideration and respect you deserve, as a person and a husband, or there will be a change that forces that.

This is not my relationship, but that's what I would do.  Simply accepting bad treatment is never the right option, in my opinion.

Thanks Shannon.   This is exactly what I’ve been thinking for a while, though there are a couple of other factors.  First off, she has been doing a LOT better lately especially since I started LTU.  In fact, now that I think about it, this is the first time she’s been degrading like that in months.  It’s not acceptable but I’m kinda waiting and seeing if the improvements continue or Igbo this becomes a regular occurrence again.What kind of changes are you talking about?  I a man establishing boundaries, but im a bit short on tacticsfor enforcing them against someone who insists on crossing them.  If it goes back to the way I think was, I’ll  leave the relationship, but invest not ready to do that yet.
Second thing is that she has a degenerative brain disease which can cause anger issues etc.  So I don’t know how much of this she actually CAN control.  We saw a marked improvement when she went on meds which tells me that some of it might be a brain problem rather than just her being a jerk.

What I would do is communicate immediately while she is doing it, exactly what she is doing and why it is unacceptable.  Tell her to stop.

The only types who won't respond to that are the instinctual types, the really messed up ones and the ones like you mention who have a physical or chemical issue with their brain.

Instinctual types (also known as "Type 8" as a veiled reference) will only respond to being soundly overpowered, and this must be repeated regularly ad nauseum.  They only respond to those they respect and/or fear.  Earn her respect - usually this must be forced, but forcing it is a dangerous game.  I just avoid this type.

The really messed up ones need emotional and sometimes mental healing.  They won't change until and unless this happens, and in some cases, they can't change because the issue is (so far) irreversible, as with BPD.  I don't know if BPD is truly irreversible, but I do know that it is currently believed to be so by modern medicine.

Then you have those with a brain chemical imbalance, and those with physical developmental and/or damage to the brain. The brain chemical imbalance can be adjusted and/or corrected by various means, including diet, emotional/mental healing, pills, etc.

Physical brain development issues require the brain develop in the right ways to correct that.  Physical damage requires that the brain be healed.  Degenerative brain disease needs to be healed and cured.  There may be ways to do these things, but that is a complicated situation indeed.

If repeated corrective communication does not stop the issue (3x is good), then you will have to escalate your response.  Either find some way to make her take the situation more seriously, or simply leave the relationship if you can't, or don't want to escalate.