Thank you Shannon. That touches me. I'm feeling it, and I'm going to bring in today's happenings while processing that truth of letting go of old ways.
I was at work today, thinking about last night's post, and also still processing something unknown. Throughout the day, I realized 2 things clearly.
The first is that UD is doing its work on me presently, as similar feelings rose during my solo UD run. I even felt sad and mushy for a short while this morning. Like I was on the edge of grieving something. I won't and don't have to seek it out, for it'll come when it's ready. I read 4Kingdom's USLM4 journal today, and I like his relaxed, non-controlling approach. My stuff wants to come out. Patience is key. Thank you for the reminder Shannon.
The other thing, which resonates with your message, Shannon, was I realized why I've been so distant (or even defensive and mean) around guys I know. I've put on a front at work, but......I really don't allow anyone in. What I realized today was my understanding I've held: "If I trust (any guy), I'll have to give up myself. I'll have to be small (helpless) again and let you lead my life". I'd have to put 100% faith in them to be a "big brother". But distrust and old pains surface. Thus my meanness.
I can hear my old sponsor's message here. I'll sometimes share small conflicts I'm having with someone, and he only has to say a word to check me. "Expectations". Expectations, more than mostly anything else, has created pain in me, even around peaceful people. When I've actively dropped them, I felt free
I'll be mixing your message into this message I've held.
I was at work today, thinking about last night's post, and also still processing something unknown. Throughout the day, I realized 2 things clearly.
The first is that UD is doing its work on me presently, as similar feelings rose during my solo UD run. I even felt sad and mushy for a short while this morning. Like I was on the edge of grieving something. I won't and don't have to seek it out, for it'll come when it's ready. I read 4Kingdom's USLM4 journal today, and I like his relaxed, non-controlling approach. My stuff wants to come out. Patience is key. Thank you for the reminder Shannon.
The other thing, which resonates with your message, Shannon, was I realized why I've been so distant (or even defensive and mean) around guys I know. I've put on a front at work, but......I really don't allow anyone in. What I realized today was my understanding I've held: "If I trust (any guy), I'll have to give up myself. I'll have to be small (helpless) again and let you lead my life". I'd have to put 100% faith in them to be a "big brother". But distrust and old pains surface. Thus my meanness.
I can hear my old sponsor's message here. I'll sometimes share small conflicts I'm having with someone, and he only has to say a word to check me. "Expectations". Expectations, more than mostly anything else, has created pain in me, even around peaceful people. When I've actively dropped them, I felt free
I'll be mixing your message into this message I've held.
I want to be FREE!
