04-09-2019, 02:06 PM
As I mentioned, my wife and I had been getting along much better since I started LTU5. She’s been a lot calmer, and less controlling. There had been no major blow ups, the control behavior had lessened, and she was occasionally snippy with me, but not as bad as she used to be.
Until last night. She was uncomfortable and frustrated yesterday, which used to mean that I was going to hear it about SOMETHING but she held on until I was driving us home from grabbing dinner. Throughout our relationship, the number one way she has had to get a rise out of me is to criticize my driving while I’m driving. I’m a very good driver, have advanced training in emergency driving, and have never had an accident on the road (two in parking lots which she likes to bring up).
I stopped at a yellow light which I thought was prudent, and she just laid into me nominally because it caused a delay in her getting her meds. This is true, maybe two minutes worth. But she said I drive like a grandma, and all kinds of other emasculating things that she says pretty much every time I drive with her in the car. Historically this has allowed her to throw me into a white hot rage in short order and keep me there. Not this time. I did start to get angry. I got some muscle tightening, but not nearly as much as usual, then I was able to calm myself down. I said calmly thatwhen I’m driving I’ll make the decisions about how I drive. This (of course). Set her off worse, but I still didn’t get really angry. I did say I was a better driver than her (true). Then she asked how many accidents she’s had. I answered accurately (three that I know of). The then had a fit, screamed at me, accused me of “being the woman in the argument” because I’d brought up the past. Mind you, she was trying to reference my one parking lot accident ever, so she was doing the same thing. But by some logic, I’m not supposed to bring up her three serious road accidents. She got very loud, and said I’d just proven that she shouldn’t take anything that comes out of my mouth seriously and I wasn’t worth listening to. I will admit that that was somewhat petty and not the best reaction.
Then when we got home, it was over like it never happened. We usually have a day or more of resentment after these things with a high risk of another fight. Not this time. While I’m not thrilled that she still gives herself license to treat me like dirt when she needs to vent, it’s an improvement. I was most surprised that I was able to be over it instantly myself, and didn’t hang on to the anger.
Until last night. She was uncomfortable and frustrated yesterday, which used to mean that I was going to hear it about SOMETHING but she held on until I was driving us home from grabbing dinner. Throughout our relationship, the number one way she has had to get a rise out of me is to criticize my driving while I’m driving. I’m a very good driver, have advanced training in emergency driving, and have never had an accident on the road (two in parking lots which she likes to bring up).
I stopped at a yellow light which I thought was prudent, and she just laid into me nominally because it caused a delay in her getting her meds. This is true, maybe two minutes worth. But she said I drive like a grandma, and all kinds of other emasculating things that she says pretty much every time I drive with her in the car. Historically this has allowed her to throw me into a white hot rage in short order and keep me there. Not this time. I did start to get angry. I got some muscle tightening, but not nearly as much as usual, then I was able to calm myself down. I said calmly thatwhen I’m driving I’ll make the decisions about how I drive. This (of course). Set her off worse, but I still didn’t get really angry. I did say I was a better driver than her (true). Then she asked how many accidents she’s had. I answered accurately (three that I know of). The then had a fit, screamed at me, accused me of “being the woman in the argument” because I’d brought up the past. Mind you, she was trying to reference my one parking lot accident ever, so she was doing the same thing. But by some logic, I’m not supposed to bring up her three serious road accidents. She got very loud, and said I’d just proven that she shouldn’t take anything that comes out of my mouth seriously and I wasn’t worth listening to. I will admit that that was somewhat petty and not the best reaction.
Then when we got home, it was over like it never happened. We usually have a day or more of resentment after these things with a high risk of another fight. Not this time. While I’m not thrilled that she still gives herself license to treat me like dirt when she needs to vent, it’s an improvement. I was most surprised that I was able to be over it instantly myself, and didn’t hang on to the anger.
