04-02-2019, 08:00 AM
6th cycle of LTU, tonight is the last night of the active cycle. From tomorrow night, day off.
I first have to note that either the 1st or 2nd day of 6th cycle, I listened to one loop less, because I slept late. (There was some work I had to take care of, and I had stomach pain that I had to stay in washroom for a while.)
Despite the setbacks (also including two accidental messing up secondary ASRB) the results I see are great.
First of all, more civilians are showing their appreciation. I definitely put quite a lot of effort in helping them, being very through in helping them fill out their application for public work. Still, people are being more appreciative. Even the hysteric gov employee was appreciative. (Well, I am helping her work, as this work is now passed onto her, which again comes to me. So in reality, it's my work, but they are supposed to the ones doing it.)
Second, work load. Technically, my work load isn't that low compared to other conscripts working at gov offices. However, it's mostly paper work, and desk jobs nowadays, not heavy lifting/physical work. I definitely prefer heavy lifting/physical work. Therefore, I'm all good. What's also interesting is that gov employee, who usually calls me and/or the other conscript to do some physical work, including checking and carrying emergency supplies (like first aid kits for war times, and gas masks), didn't call me at all to do the work. I don't know the reason, but that's what happened today.
Third, when I have free work, I continuously work on programming, even if I have little time available. Also, when I am mentally tired and can't focus at work, I then do other work such as reading foreign newspapers to see what's going on, or read/watch interesting stuff like TED. Well, it's not something new, but I think I am better at switching tasks and spending time more efficiently/wisely. At the same time, I am not anxious or too worried even when I don't spend time that well.
Given these developments, I think I am achieving my goals, at least partially. Additionally, it seems that almost all the modules work well. For instance, when I had a stomach issue, I ordered fast food, and ate it a lot because of the minimum requirement for the delivery. It was gone two days later. This could be detox working. Also, I was told by a cleaner at work that I seemed to have lost some weight on face. Well, on that very day, I decided to measure weight and I indeed lost 2kg~5kg. I cannot tell how much I lost and when I lost because the last time I weighted myself was when I was regularly exercising, which is nearly half a year ago. (Thanks to the injury I got from the work.) At that time, my weight was around 58kg, and now I weight 53kg. However, the low point of my weight when I exercised was 55kg. Hence, I wrote I lost 2~5kg. This could be detox module, but I cannot tell for sure as I haven't measured my weight for so long. Losing weight can be a good thing for some people, but not necessarily me, because I was never overweight. In fact, I used to be on the side of being underweight or nearly being underweight.
Emotional health seems to be alright to good, and I think I am being more positive than my usual self before LTU. Ultra motivation also seems to work well, as I even try to go extra step further in making sure I do things right at work. For example, I also received applications for public work last week. (Yeah, it's odd that they are taking two different public work applications within a week. Usually, they have much larger term difference). Yet, the required documents became different this week. I felt the need to check, and I basically asked a bunch of gov employees at the work to figure it out. They were helpful to extent, but it still left me questions. Therefore, I decided to ask the number of the person who is in charge of the project at the city hall. I called, and clarified all the stuff. It wasn't necessary, but I felt it was the right thing to do, and I did it. So yeah, Ultra Motivation, and do the right thing does have effect on me. Procrastination seems to go on and off, but well, it's party of autism and ADD so I am okay. Still, less procrastination, and much of my procrastination usually turns out to be something productive. Therefore, it's okay.
Self Esteem improvement --> not sure if it's working, but I didn't really have terrible self esteem to start except maybe in dating/sex department. Nothing much different, but I think more relaxed mental state, not being negatively stressed out does probably have positive impact on self esteem.
Disconnect From Negative Stress --> Hard to tell as there wasn't many sources of negative stress, this week. I notice that when the employee became hysteric, I had much negative internal things going on, even more so than my usual self or prior to LTU. However, perhaps this is working in a way of eliminating negative stress source, so if that's the case, it seems to be working.
Gratitude and appreciation --> I notice nothing about this. I think it's gonna take more time and work to get this. I suppose I am a very greedy and difficult person to satisfy. LOL
Happiness and Joy --> slight increase, but not so much to call happiness and joy. Perhaps my standard for happiness and joy may be too high, but I think there is a room for improvement. It's probably related to gratitude and appreciation. I think I have very high standard, and perhaps it is a reason for difficulty in achieving complete success in these two modules. I hope that the success in the modules happen without lowering my standards.
Anger management --> I think this may perhaps be working backwards, as I feel annoyed more often, usually caused by civilians. (i.e. coming exactly at my lunch leave time, causing me to lose my lunch time usually causes massive annoyance.) Of course, I do my best to not show that. However, I usually don't get angry, and annoyance has been pretty much the max level of anger, so it was already that I didn't really need anger management to begin with.
Overcoming victim mentality --> I think it's working very well. Instead of focusing, thinking and feeling about how the country where I was born is holding me back and caused disaster in my education/career progression, I do what I can to make most of it. I am starting to notice more that how a different mindset can make huge difference even if the situation were to remain the same. I also found that my finding Bruce Lee's philosophy and way of life helped me be more positive and overcoming victim mentality. (I saw promo of new show "Warrior" and it contained much of Bruce Lee's interview, and it was definitely great, at least in my opinion.)
USLM --> Difficult to tell, but I think it's impact is starting to show.
Love life --> I see absolutely nothing. This wasn't really the priority to begin anyway. On the other hand, I see some differences in me and my life that is related to other modules, but love life? Nothing. Though this is the case, I'd like to note that love life is the most difficult aspect of my life. I'm not talking about family love. I have plenty of that. I always had plenty of that. What I'm talking about is romantic love, and sex life. (and perhaps friendship as well) This, I lack. I always lacked that. No matter what I did, or what I tried to do, I really couldn't figure it out or get it to work. The return to investment is terrible on love life. Others? Much better. To me, I think I would find it easier to solve the universe' and mystery of God than get my love life working. In other words, it's damn difficult to get my love life working. Thus, I don't blame the program. Perhaps, it may never work for autistic person like me. Perhaps it will. We shall see. At certain times, I find myself not very patient with getting the love life I want, need and deserve, but many times, I am also patient and okay with current status. I'm not in much hurry for this part, so it's okay.
My overall verdict for LTU 5 journey so far? I think I am seeing more positive results coming in from LTU 5, and more pronounced results related to each of the modules are there. Since the results are progressively becoming more pronounced and progressively getting better, I am excited to see how far and how much better it can get.
Show me what you got LTU 5!
I first have to note that either the 1st or 2nd day of 6th cycle, I listened to one loop less, because I slept late. (There was some work I had to take care of, and I had stomach pain that I had to stay in washroom for a while.)
Despite the setbacks (also including two accidental messing up secondary ASRB) the results I see are great.
First of all, more civilians are showing their appreciation. I definitely put quite a lot of effort in helping them, being very through in helping them fill out their application for public work. Still, people are being more appreciative. Even the hysteric gov employee was appreciative. (Well, I am helping her work, as this work is now passed onto her, which again comes to me. So in reality, it's my work, but they are supposed to the ones doing it.)
Second, work load. Technically, my work load isn't that low compared to other conscripts working at gov offices. However, it's mostly paper work, and desk jobs nowadays, not heavy lifting/physical work. I definitely prefer heavy lifting/physical work. Therefore, I'm all good. What's also interesting is that gov employee, who usually calls me and/or the other conscript to do some physical work, including checking and carrying emergency supplies (like first aid kits for war times, and gas masks), didn't call me at all to do the work. I don't know the reason, but that's what happened today.
Third, when I have free work, I continuously work on programming, even if I have little time available. Also, when I am mentally tired and can't focus at work, I then do other work such as reading foreign newspapers to see what's going on, or read/watch interesting stuff like TED. Well, it's not something new, but I think I am better at switching tasks and spending time more efficiently/wisely. At the same time, I am not anxious or too worried even when I don't spend time that well.
Given these developments, I think I am achieving my goals, at least partially. Additionally, it seems that almost all the modules work well. For instance, when I had a stomach issue, I ordered fast food, and ate it a lot because of the minimum requirement for the delivery. It was gone two days later. This could be detox working. Also, I was told by a cleaner at work that I seemed to have lost some weight on face. Well, on that very day, I decided to measure weight and I indeed lost 2kg~5kg. I cannot tell how much I lost and when I lost because the last time I weighted myself was when I was regularly exercising, which is nearly half a year ago. (Thanks to the injury I got from the work.) At that time, my weight was around 58kg, and now I weight 53kg. However, the low point of my weight when I exercised was 55kg. Hence, I wrote I lost 2~5kg. This could be detox module, but I cannot tell for sure as I haven't measured my weight for so long. Losing weight can be a good thing for some people, but not necessarily me, because I was never overweight. In fact, I used to be on the side of being underweight or nearly being underweight.
Emotional health seems to be alright to good, and I think I am being more positive than my usual self before LTU. Ultra motivation also seems to work well, as I even try to go extra step further in making sure I do things right at work. For example, I also received applications for public work last week. (Yeah, it's odd that they are taking two different public work applications within a week. Usually, they have much larger term difference). Yet, the required documents became different this week. I felt the need to check, and I basically asked a bunch of gov employees at the work to figure it out. They were helpful to extent, but it still left me questions. Therefore, I decided to ask the number of the person who is in charge of the project at the city hall. I called, and clarified all the stuff. It wasn't necessary, but I felt it was the right thing to do, and I did it. So yeah, Ultra Motivation, and do the right thing does have effect on me. Procrastination seems to go on and off, but well, it's party of autism and ADD so I am okay. Still, less procrastination, and much of my procrastination usually turns out to be something productive. Therefore, it's okay.
Self Esteem improvement --> not sure if it's working, but I didn't really have terrible self esteem to start except maybe in dating/sex department. Nothing much different, but I think more relaxed mental state, not being negatively stressed out does probably have positive impact on self esteem.
Disconnect From Negative Stress --> Hard to tell as there wasn't many sources of negative stress, this week. I notice that when the employee became hysteric, I had much negative internal things going on, even more so than my usual self or prior to LTU. However, perhaps this is working in a way of eliminating negative stress source, so if that's the case, it seems to be working.
Gratitude and appreciation --> I notice nothing about this. I think it's gonna take more time and work to get this. I suppose I am a very greedy and difficult person to satisfy. LOL
Happiness and Joy --> slight increase, but not so much to call happiness and joy. Perhaps my standard for happiness and joy may be too high, but I think there is a room for improvement. It's probably related to gratitude and appreciation. I think I have very high standard, and perhaps it is a reason for difficulty in achieving complete success in these two modules. I hope that the success in the modules happen without lowering my standards.
Anger management --> I think this may perhaps be working backwards, as I feel annoyed more often, usually caused by civilians. (i.e. coming exactly at my lunch leave time, causing me to lose my lunch time usually causes massive annoyance.) Of course, I do my best to not show that. However, I usually don't get angry, and annoyance has been pretty much the max level of anger, so it was already that I didn't really need anger management to begin with.
Overcoming victim mentality --> I think it's working very well. Instead of focusing, thinking and feeling about how the country where I was born is holding me back and caused disaster in my education/career progression, I do what I can to make most of it. I am starting to notice more that how a different mindset can make huge difference even if the situation were to remain the same. I also found that my finding Bruce Lee's philosophy and way of life helped me be more positive and overcoming victim mentality. (I saw promo of new show "Warrior" and it contained much of Bruce Lee's interview, and it was definitely great, at least in my opinion.)
USLM --> Difficult to tell, but I think it's impact is starting to show.
Love life --> I see absolutely nothing. This wasn't really the priority to begin anyway. On the other hand, I see some differences in me and my life that is related to other modules, but love life? Nothing. Though this is the case, I'd like to note that love life is the most difficult aspect of my life. I'm not talking about family love. I have plenty of that. I always had plenty of that. What I'm talking about is romantic love, and sex life. (and perhaps friendship as well) This, I lack. I always lacked that. No matter what I did, or what I tried to do, I really couldn't figure it out or get it to work. The return to investment is terrible on love life. Others? Much better. To me, I think I would find it easier to solve the universe' and mystery of God than get my love life working. In other words, it's damn difficult to get my love life working. Thus, I don't blame the program. Perhaps, it may never work for autistic person like me. Perhaps it will. We shall see. At certain times, I find myself not very patient with getting the love life I want, need and deserve, but many times, I am also patient and okay with current status. I'm not in much hurry for this part, so it's okay.
My overall verdict for LTU 5 journey so far? I think I am seeing more positive results coming in from LTU 5, and more pronounced results related to each of the modules are there. Since the results are progressively becoming more pronounced and progressively getting better, I am excited to see how far and how much better it can get.
Show me what you got LTU 5!
