03-23-2019, 02:32 PM
Pacing my listening schedule according to my signposts still appears to be helping. The recent observations:
Healthy-minded fans, from what I can tell, enjoy me together, just like a crowd of music and movie enthusiasts going to see their favorite band or movie. You like that? I like that! Let's like it together. They don't need other people to stop enjoying what they enjoy too. It's not a mutually-exclusive thing. If we mesh, I might say yes. If we don't, I don't. No Highlander tournament necessary. There can be only... as many as there are? I don't make my friends battle to be the only friend either.
Also, I get self-esteem from how I estimate myself, not from how many people are focused on outdoing each other in my name. If a contest is actually required for someone to find me socially attractive, I don't think that I want to find out how lousy the social is going to be, much less the sexual.
- Work is still highly productive. I'm waking up with fully-formed ideas after having spent the night cooking them up in my sleep, and some ambush me throughout the day, before I've even finished making the last three ideas into a reality. I'm still disproportionately better at solving work problems than at solving my own personal ones, but there does seem to be a little bit of movement on the latter.
- Attending a social event over a week ago finally seemed slightly more like what I've experienced on prior DMSI versions. But I should be clear: It was while on a non-listening day. And, while finally more similar, it wasn't as intense or as consistent as on past versions. Not yet, at least.
- A friend insisted on buying me a drink during her birthday, only to have the bartender buy it for me instead, when she'd realized that I was the one being treated. Still not sure that "it's the thought that counts" applies very clearly to freely-gifted toxins. It may say that they like me, but in what condition?
- A platonic and uninterested (albeit physically attractive) female friend seemed to get a bit territorial when another woman started dancing with me and, to my annoyance, successfully drove the woman off.
- The FWB who'd forgotten me recently (on multiple occasions) finally remembered me and showed mixed interest. Not that I didn't too. We're both agreed that we're incompatible in many ways, but we still enjoy each other enough to fool around as a way to pass the time.
Healthy-minded fans, from what I can tell, enjoy me together, just like a crowd of music and movie enthusiasts going to see their favorite band or movie. You like that? I like that! Let's like it together. They don't need other people to stop enjoying what they enjoy too. It's not a mutually-exclusive thing. If we mesh, I might say yes. If we don't, I don't. No Highlander tournament necessary. There can be only... as many as there are? I don't make my friends battle to be the only friend either.
Also, I get self-esteem from how I estimate myself, not from how many people are focused on outdoing each other in my name. If a contest is actually required for someone to find me socially attractive, I don't think that I want to find out how lousy the social is going to be, much less the sexual.
