03-06-2019, 05:12 PM
Nah I screwed up. If I have to rationalize to myself that much why lowering the volume is good, that means I was getting tricked. This was a classic case of avoiding what needs to be done and trying to justify it in a way that absolved me of personal responsibility. Back to the previous volume tonight.
I honestly don't have much desire to post a lot lately. I'm not as depressed as I was on LTU 4 that's for sure. That one really hit me hard with some stuff that made me feel hopeless. But I'm still struggling now with figuring out how to actually improve my life. And along with that accepting kinder treatment towards myself vs the never ending onslaught of abuse I used to give myself. It's definitely a step in the right direction and I am noticing subtle improvements. There's still a lot of fear I feel surrounding the whole idea of me being out in the world more. I'm still very tied to my home, I don't feel comfortable when I leave. It's sort of a safe zone for me, but I'd like to change that.
Overall it still feels like I'm piecing stuff together. I'm a bit disoriented at the moment. Trying to reconcile this new me vs the old one. Even though these changes are postiive, I still fear them. That just pretty much proves how foreign a lot of these concepts are to my own mind.
I honestly don't have much desire to post a lot lately. I'm not as depressed as I was on LTU 4 that's for sure. That one really hit me hard with some stuff that made me feel hopeless. But I'm still struggling now with figuring out how to actually improve my life. And along with that accepting kinder treatment towards myself vs the never ending onslaught of abuse I used to give myself. It's definitely a step in the right direction and I am noticing subtle improvements. There's still a lot of fear I feel surrounding the whole idea of me being out in the world more. I'm still very tied to my home, I don't feel comfortable when I leave. It's sort of a safe zone for me, but I'd like to change that.
Overall it still feels like I'm piecing stuff together. I'm a bit disoriented at the moment. Trying to reconcile this new me vs the old one. Even though these changes are postiive, I still fear them. That just pretty much proves how foreign a lot of these concepts are to my own mind.
INFP
