02-27-2019, 01:51 AM
I have realized something. I have all my life felt other peoples emotions, and tried to be some kind of "cushion" to ease their pain, unconsciously taking on the responsibility for it, and in turn placing my own emotional needs in the backseat. This have been my second nature, something I just have done. It have resulted in that I have had a hard time to understand who I am and who I am when no one is around. I can see how my parents have created this behavior in me due to their co-dependent way of living. They haven't really gotten to know each-other but have had me as some kind of mediator in between them. And when I don't do this, they don't know how to act, and they get irritated and often irritated at me. I have felt so much guilt then that I just thought that "well then I must be doing something wrong" and went back to my mediator-role.
But now I am working on my fears and guilt and started to realize that I maybe don't have to take this role, because when I don't have to live though the emotions of other people, I don't have to be stuck in that prison anymore. I'm slowly breaking away from this prison as there is a lot of fear attached to it, but I am pretty confident that with patient work i will overcome it.
But now I am working on my fears and guilt and started to realize that I maybe don't have to take this role, because when I don't have to live though the emotions of other people, I don't have to be stuck in that prison anymore. I'm slowly breaking away from this prison as there is a lot of fear attached to it, but I am pretty confident that with patient work i will overcome it.
