LTU: Moving forward

[mat422]

I wanted to mention what happened to me last night. I was laying in bed trying to get to sleep but LTU was on. I was getting hit with these waves of emotions out of nowhere. Normally I hold back when this happens or try to fight off the emotion and suppress it. I didn't realize how badly I did that until last night. I gave myself permission to feel all these things without judgement and let go of trying to control my emotional state. I've realized there's a lot of fear surrounding that in general. Part of my issue of not getting to my core of my issues was always not feeling safe enough to even go there. Maybe a lot of shame from my childhood regarding emotional expression?
In any case it definitely feels like something lifted. Today at work I was a lot more carefree. Didn't really take things as seriously or worry about how well I was doing or how skilled I was or how I compare to other professionals. At the end of the day I'd always feel guilty for not being an expert in all this tech stuff or at the very least disappointment in myself for not trying to learn more. But then I realized this isn't what I want to do with my life and I don't have to prove my worth through showing how competent I am in some job. Definitely still work to be done, but I'm feeling more positive and like I'm finally breaking free of that chained down feeling I've had for most of my life.