02-15-2019, 12:34 AM
I’m not enjoying being off this sub very much. Yesterday I had what would otherwise be considered a pretty productive day, but I ended it feeling super exposed and subject to criticism. I realise that this is gonna be increasingly necessary for where I’m going. Almost whatever I do I’m going to be judged, charicatured, misunderstood, and at times genuinely piss people off because of legit shortcomings. This is what I’ve been afraid of all my life and now I have the words to define it and see it - but there is no easy solution to it.
I kind of see now why being mildly sociopathic would be a good thing if you’re going to have seniority or be a leader. You can’t control what people think and people can think all sorts of things for any reason - to a large degree you have to not care.
I’m very curious now to see what sits on the other side of this processing the fear of exposure, ridicule, exclusion and isolation - all of which I very clearly experience as something akin to death. It’s painful but also exciting.
I kind of see now why being mildly sociopathic would be a good thing if you’re going to have seniority or be a leader. You can’t control what people think and people can think all sorts of things for any reason - to a large degree you have to not care.
I’m very curious now to see what sits on the other side of this processing the fear of exposure, ridicule, exclusion and isolation - all of which I very clearly experience as something akin to death. It’s painful but also exciting.
Your task is not to seek for Love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.
