02-10-2019, 08:35 AM
Definitely some heavy stuff going on last night. For a lot of my life I've had this fear. That if everything fell away and I was just myself and I wasn't putting on a mask I'd be an empty shell of a person. Just feeling dead inside. A large portion of my life was spent in depression. What a lot of people don't get about depression is it's not sadness. It's a huge void where you want to feel happy, you want to genuinely smile around people vs doing it so they aren't concerned, you don't want to be alone with your thoughts but at the same time being in the company of others isn't comforting. It's like being in limbo, except your life passes you by in the blink of an eye.
I got really good at coping. But it's been a continual effort. It didn't hit me till last night that I still struggle with this. I just got really good at telling myself I was past it. But if I'm constantly living in fear of letting go and allowing what's really sitting beneath the surface, clearly I haven't addressed everything.
I got really good at coping. But it's been a continual effort. It didn't hit me till last night that I still struggle with this. I just got really good at telling myself I was past it. But if I'm constantly living in fear of letting go and allowing what's really sitting beneath the surface, clearly I haven't addressed everything.
INFP
