02-09-2019, 09:06 AM
Started LTU yesterday. First thing I noticed, I've been very stressed about my job without realizing it. I woke up today and I had this lighter feeling that I haven't felt in about 4 years. Ever since I took this job I've felt more responsible for it, but at the same time there was a clear boundary that was crossed into when I was away from work. Had a dream about one of the managers there complaining about something and giving me shit and I just erupted in anger at her. Then a part of me was like, oh no people don't think you're nice anymore! And I was like screw it, I don't care. Let people think I'm an asshole, I won't be walked all over anymore or disrespected. I sometimes wonder if I do work in a toxic work environment and I've just been ignorant to it.
The other thing is I'm finding less of a need to watch videos and read about music production. It's getting to a point where I feel as if the real learning is me applying all those techniques to express myself. Learning how I want to articulate stuff, making my own decisions, and discovering my own preferences and how I want my music to sound. I feel closer to the feeling I had when I first got into music, except I have a better idea of how to build a song. My obsessive need to research was really just fear in disguise and wanting a clear answer for how to do things. Basically the exact opposite of creativity.
The other thing is I'm finding less of a need to watch videos and read about music production. It's getting to a point where I feel as if the real learning is me applying all those techniques to express myself. Learning how I want to articulate stuff, making my own decisions, and discovering my own preferences and how I want my music to sound. I feel closer to the feeling I had when I first got into music, except I have a better idea of how to build a song. My obsessive need to research was really just fear in disguise and wanting a clear answer for how to do things. Basically the exact opposite of creativity.
INFP
