02-05-2019, 07:41 AM
2nd Round of 3.1.1
I switched over to Hybrid Ocean Surf FLAC. I either listen using sleep phones (Cozy brand), or my Bose speaker (connected via aux - not using bluetooth). Volume has varied between 6 and 10 clicks on my Note 5. Last night, however, I used 4 clicks.
Yesterday, my first day after using hybrid for the first time using 3.1.1, I felt great in the morning - even felt the morphine drip again. As the day went on, however, my mood tanked. I felt overwhelmed, stressed, moody, tired, emotional. It got progressively worse, until I started loops again last night. Again, this morning, I woke up feeling good initially, but my mood is starting to darken again.
For the first time, yesterday, I've encountered the desire to actually quit DMSI. Obviously I know what that is, but it's happened. Thoughts like "I'm wasting my time, I could be doing something more productive, something that wouldn't make me so emotional." It's funny, when you aren't having sex, it seems like you have a hole in your life that's gigantic - but when you're getting it regularly, it doesn't seem very important at all. This last week (since the party) I haven't felt attracted to my wife, which is strange. I haven't been focusing on sex at all. Must be part of my subc shifting strategies, scrambling to keep from executing fully.
I noticed that NocWood is back (NocWood - getting hard-ons while sleeping). I forgot to report that the occurrence had disappeared again recently (the past month, maybe?) - just like it disappeared on 3.2. But, after starting the hybrid, it's been back the past two nights.
Moving forward, I'm going to do at least 90 days to allow FRM to remove fears that I need removed, before reevaluating whether I intend to continue further. Fears are chains, and I want them gone for good. I also have been running DMSI since the first release (AOSI), and I want to help advance the skeleton script. Not sure how many long-term consistently reporting DMSI users are left.
Oh - last thing I have to report is that I'm not executing the scripting that overrides chemical state shifting - or it isn't necessary (?) for me to execute it to properly execute the rest of script. I had a few beers while watching the Super Bowl, and I felt them. I also am consistently affected by my caffeine intake daily. Wakes me right up in the morning.
I switched over to Hybrid Ocean Surf FLAC. I either listen using sleep phones (Cozy brand), or my Bose speaker (connected via aux - not using bluetooth). Volume has varied between 6 and 10 clicks on my Note 5. Last night, however, I used 4 clicks.
Yesterday, my first day after using hybrid for the first time using 3.1.1, I felt great in the morning - even felt the morphine drip again. As the day went on, however, my mood tanked. I felt overwhelmed, stressed, moody, tired, emotional. It got progressively worse, until I started loops again last night. Again, this morning, I woke up feeling good initially, but my mood is starting to darken again.
For the first time, yesterday, I've encountered the desire to actually quit DMSI. Obviously I know what that is, but it's happened. Thoughts like "I'm wasting my time, I could be doing something more productive, something that wouldn't make me so emotional." It's funny, when you aren't having sex, it seems like you have a hole in your life that's gigantic - but when you're getting it regularly, it doesn't seem very important at all. This last week (since the party) I haven't felt attracted to my wife, which is strange. I haven't been focusing on sex at all. Must be part of my subc shifting strategies, scrambling to keep from executing fully.
I noticed that NocWood is back (NocWood - getting hard-ons while sleeping). I forgot to report that the occurrence had disappeared again recently (the past month, maybe?) - just like it disappeared on 3.2. But, after starting the hybrid, it's been back the past two nights.
Moving forward, I'm going to do at least 90 days to allow FRM to remove fears that I need removed, before reevaluating whether I intend to continue further. Fears are chains, and I want them gone for good. I also have been running DMSI since the first release (AOSI), and I want to help advance the skeleton script. Not sure how many long-term consistently reporting DMSI users are left.
Oh - last thing I have to report is that I'm not executing the scripting that overrides chemical state shifting - or it isn't necessary (?) for me to execute it to properly execute the rest of script. I had a few beers while watching the Super Bowl, and I felt them. I also am consistently affected by my caffeine intake daily. Wakes me right up in the morning.
