My healing journey - E2, Cold showers, Root chakra meditation

[Shannon]

A couple of years ago I tried running AM6 for 3 months. But failed miserably. I pushed and pushed, but in the wrong way. I wasn't able to absorb it, it was just stressing me, and I have really had a hard time to understand why it played out that way. But I am starting to see that I was in a really bad place, and sure that AM includes emotional healing, but it is also a program that will push your limits. And if you don't are stable in yourself, and are in a place of dissociation, suffering from PTSD from bad trips on cannabis and are facing an stress-related burn-out as I was, this is not a good idea.

here is a good reason why, in the Terms and Conditions, Section 1, it states:

Do not use these programs if you have been diagnosed with a serious mental or emotional disorder or disease unless you have direct medical permission to do so and medical supervision while doing so.

The majority of these programs are designed to cause growth, which is a stressful thing for some people. That can lead to issues with people who are in need of emotional and/or psychological healing and professional attention.

You should be mentally and emotionally healthy before trying to use a program like AM. E2+ can help, but even that should be used under appropriate supervision if you have significant mental or emotional unbalances.

As I said AM6 just did things worse for me. I got stressed out because I was so far away from the goal that the program presented to me, or made myself present to myself, and because I was pretty much delusional, the goal that I presented to myself of what an alpha male is, was just unrealistic. I wanted to be everything in the same time, but didn't had the means to achieve it, and no plan for how it should be done. So I basically just walked around thinking about how I wanted to be, but didn't take any steps toward it (because my body was so broken that I couldn't muster up the energy to make it) until everything broke down. I was recommended by people on the forum to "push trough it", and by all means this was most likely done by good heart, but they couldn't realise in what bad place I was. This pushed me to continue and deplete myself of my energy even more, and become even more discouraged. It was like putting a VW Golf in a formula 1 race and telling him that this is what he should strive for. But that can't be done if the Golf is running on fumes and with a flat tire. Not a perfect analogy but maybe you get the point.

We can't know all of what is going on with you. That's why it is your responsibility to assess what advice people give you before you implement it. And, if you're that bad off, you should be focusing on healing, first. AM6 has E1 in it, but in some cases (yours, apparently) it is necessary to heal and clear first. You can't expect a shattered window to hold in a windstorm.

The reason behind it was that I think that I was so stuck in fear because of the PTSD that the program tried to overcome it but I because of the circumstances stonewalled it and things just got worse. And because of the PTSD I couldn't absorb the program, let the needed emotions come up, be released and become stronger, but just got "locked down" as of a already ongoing defence mechanism.

Consider that AM6 is trying to push you to achieve it's goals, while trying to heal you. Most people, that's all they need. But if you're coming from a really bad place, you need to get yourself patched up first, whether that is psychological help, medical help, or something like E2. It's just like boot camp: you don't even get to boot camp unless you meet certain minimum requirements. Strength, mental health, emotional health, physical health. Only then are you fit for boot camp to begin.

My hope is to run AM6 in the future. Right now I have a bit of a skewed perception of the program and the way I reacted on it, but I am trying to revaluate this by reading other people stories.

You can't judge a program based on having run it before you could possibly have had it benefit you. In your case, you were deeply in need of healing and growth before trying to start. Stressing a mind, body and/or emotional self that is damaged and in need of healing isn't going to make it stronger. You have to be fit for the training to begin before it can be good for you.

If I were you, I would definitely run E3 and or seek professional help before trying again, and I would advise you to evaluate your self state before you try again, as well.