01-22-2019, 02:21 PM
All that uncertainty and tough feelings are coming up right now. I feel lonely, very lonely, and I don't really know how to express what I need to get out. I feel like I am all alone in life, and that I will not be able to make it by myself. That I can't support myself financially right now, and I don't really see that that situation can change, even though that I know that it will in the future on an intellectual plane, but i cant feel it. I know it's a phase, and that it will become better by going through these emotions, but I just have so much sadness in me right now. I lack of connection to others, a lack of understanding from others, a lack of support that I need, and I don't really know how to reach out. I have an idea of who I maybe can do it, but not really how. I feel that I would really, really just need a shoulder to cry on, and have someone who would care for me just for a little bit, but there is things that are in the way of me getting to that, like I have a problem with trusting others with being so vulnerable.
I am angry at my parents and feel let down that they can't offer me that support. I know that they are doing the best they can, but I still feel let down, and not listened to. I have my whole life, they are not capable of doing so, it's just the situation, but I can't help feeling as I do. It feels better writing about it and I am in some way grateful that I at last able to feel this feelings and not just the numbness, confusion and fear that have filled my days previously. That talks about some factual improvement and that I am moving towards becoming emotionally healthy and seeing that progress and putting it into words reaffirms the belief that I will some day get out of it and I will one day be able to support myself in life, be independent, have close relationships with others, maybe be happy and fulfilled with what I choose to work with, enjoy my company with other people, and find a loving spouse and have a family one day, and feel good about who I am and be able to be that person and not feeling pushed away by all the emotions that need to come out.
I am angry at my parents and feel let down that they can't offer me that support. I know that they are doing the best they can, but I still feel let down, and not listened to. I have my whole life, they are not capable of doing so, it's just the situation, but I can't help feeling as I do. It feels better writing about it and I am in some way grateful that I at last able to feel this feelings and not just the numbness, confusion and fear that have filled my days previously. That talks about some factual improvement and that I am moving towards becoming emotionally healthy and seeing that progress and putting it into words reaffirms the belief that I will some day get out of it and I will one day be able to support myself in life, be independent, have close relationships with others, maybe be happy and fulfilled with what I choose to work with, enjoy my company with other people, and find a loving spouse and have a family one day, and feel good about who I am and be able to be that person and not feeling pushed away by all the emotions that need to come out.
