01-16-2019, 08:10 AM
I'm starting to feel more and more safe in the present moment. More relaxed, not as fearful. It's hard to describe to anyone who haven't felt what I did, which is something between PTSD and derealization. Or maybe not that hard, but it's like you are constantly fearful, can't really relax, doesn't matter where you are, even at home in the sofa you can't really just sink down and be calm. It's like there is always something there, something that you need to do, something that will happen do you, something that hangs over your head. And this can't be mediated by you using your thinking or don't think about it, it's ALWAYS there. That is the really troubling part, you can never really relax. Social settings become hard because you can't just be yourself, it's something in the way of you being relaxed and reaching that.
But now, with my daily root chakra meditations and E2 I am starting to be able to relax. It's like I am slowly breaking through a layer of ice on the water and underneath I will rediscover myself and be able to just float along. But it takes time to break ice and you need to work on it daily, because otherwise it will just freeze again, and your progress will revert. So slowly but steadily I have been able to break through the ice, sometimes thinking I have finally broken trough, but just to the next day realise that it was just an outer layer. Now it feels like I can almost see the water seeping through at where I am, and realise that there is actually water underneath - because at times I have even doubted that, that I will be able to ever again reach the calm waters that lay under the ice. But now I know, there is water, and it's not too far away.
But now, with my daily root chakra meditations and E2 I am starting to be able to relax. It's like I am slowly breaking through a layer of ice on the water and underneath I will rediscover myself and be able to just float along. But it takes time to break ice and you need to work on it daily, because otherwise it will just freeze again, and your progress will revert. So slowly but steadily I have been able to break through the ice, sometimes thinking I have finally broken trough, but just to the next day realise that it was just an outer layer. Now it feels like I can almost see the water seeping through at where I am, and realise that there is actually water underneath - because at times I have even doubted that, that I will be able to ever again reach the calm waters that lay under the ice. But now I know, there is water, and it's not too far away.
