01-09-2019, 01:29 AM
I've been feeling rather sad since Monday evening. Still also sleepy over the norm. I believe this is an effect that DMSI's having on me - I don't think it's necessarily a bad sign, either. Normally, I'd busy myself trying to counteract it, but this time around my instincts are telling me to try to ride it out. It seems to be related to certain fears which seem to be either the cause or the result of (or both) of certain self-esteem issues which I've been fighting (because they are completely irrational, as these things tend to be), but which would make sense when I think of it, if taken as a memento of childhood days. Can't wait for Friday, so that I can put some loops on and perhaps move to a further stage of progress.
The funny thing is that I keep getting DMSI-related occurrences despite that (among other things, I got a very sweet IOI on Monday from a highly attractive touring partner which I've not seen yet before at all
Clever girl - it was extremely subtle to outside observers, but very effective as far as seducing me, haha. She basically maneuvered her hand while in conversation so that her wrist was very close to my nose so that I could smell her up-close, held it like that for a good 5-6 minutes, occasionally checking out whether it's having the desired effect on me, haha. It was, lol). Although sensitive people have been noting that I seem sad these past two weeks (even though I myself wasn't really noticing it, consciously at least).
Also, I believe that from Thursday on the P6 of USLMaxx is going to finish unwinding, so it'll be pure DMSI from then on.
Also x 2, as seems to be usual on my break days when I'm using the particular format/volume settings (Hybrid OceanSurf, volume foobar says -25db or thereabouts, headphones), I've had a couple of lucid/semi-lucid dreams. In these dreams, I usually set out to do something, and then I run into weirdness that appears to be some sort of fear making itself known, and then I try to actively remove it as well as I know how until I'm either done with it or have had enough and wake up.
The funny thing is that I keep getting DMSI-related occurrences despite that (among other things, I got a very sweet IOI on Monday from a highly attractive touring partner which I've not seen yet before at all
Clever girl - it was extremely subtle to outside observers, but very effective as far as seducing me, haha. She basically maneuvered her hand while in conversation so that her wrist was very close to my nose so that I could smell her up-close, held it like that for a good 5-6 minutes, occasionally checking out whether it's having the desired effect on me, haha. It was, lol). Although sensitive people have been noting that I seem sad these past two weeks (even though I myself wasn't really noticing it, consciously at least).Also, I believe that from Thursday on the P6 of USLMaxx is going to finish unwinding, so it'll be pure DMSI from then on.
Also x 2, as seems to be usual on my break days when I'm using the particular format/volume settings (Hybrid OceanSurf, volume foobar says -25db or thereabouts, headphones), I've had a couple of lucid/semi-lucid dreams. In these dreams, I usually set out to do something, and then I run into weirdness that appears to be some sort of fear making itself known, and then I try to actively remove it as well as I know how until I'm either done with it or have had enough and wake up.
"A man who is doing his True Will has the inertia of the Universe to assist him." - A. Crowley
