01-07-2019, 03:16 AM
Right now I don't feel like myself - and that's in a good way. Fears have largely evaporated leaving a place of stillness, but also disorientation. Whilst on USLM itself - I felt like I was just stuck. My brain wasn't working, my work was suffering, I couldn't complete tasks all I had was cool things coming into my life but I couldn't function.
It feels like ego management in MLS is assisting with allowing the bloom to continue. I didn't know who I was and why I should have anything, I didn't know what I wanted and what was the point in anything and I just felt like there was a huge block in my head. I still don't know who I am or why I should do/have anything - but the block is gone now and I'm clearer and at least able to competently 'play' the role I'm in. My thoughts upon waking are of my eventual annihilation at the end of my life and how everything passes and that within that this 'me' - whatever 'I' am just exists in a causal chain and if something is to be done by me, i don't know what it is. Nothing seems to have any intrinsic substance in light of its transience, but then maybe it's the opposite and everything has. In any case - I may just have to play along like it all means something.
I still have no answer about who is even doing these subs and why anymore.
It feels like ego management in MLS is assisting with allowing the bloom to continue. I didn't know who I was and why I should have anything, I didn't know what I wanted and what was the point in anything and I just felt like there was a huge block in my head. I still don't know who I am or why I should do/have anything - but the block is gone now and I'm clearer and at least able to competently 'play' the role I'm in. My thoughts upon waking are of my eventual annihilation at the end of my life and how everything passes and that within that this 'me' - whatever 'I' am just exists in a causal chain and if something is to be done by me, i don't know what it is. Nothing seems to have any intrinsic substance in light of its transience, but then maybe it's the opposite and everything has. In any case - I may just have to play along like it all means something.
I still have no answer about who is even doing these subs and why anymore.
Your task is not to seek for Love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.
