12-30-2018, 11:39 PM
The last agency which I got a rejection notice from is hiring again for a higher paying position. I don’t know if I’m eligible to apply for it or not, but there’s a way to find out. A person I know who works for them told me that I can call their HR and they can tell me what happened. I was thinking about doing that and applying for the job this afternoon, and I found a part of myself resisting the idea. Now, this is nothing new. What is new, is that I reciognized the BS excuses I was throwing at myself were BS excuses. My hesitation is entirely based on fear of failure, and to some extent fear of success. I still have a little trouble fully envisioning myself succeeding at this because I’ve been trying so hard for so long to get this type of job. Some part of me expects to just be stuck in the same quagmire I have been in for years. The difference here is that now I see what’s going on in the light of day. I may or may not do it this time, but I see it now, and if I see the problem I can beat it in the near future.
