12-26-2018, 11:51 AM
For you, @Shannon:
I have a strange relationship with my body. The more I relax into my body, the more anxiety, fear, and terror come up. This is problematic in all kinds of ways. The usual self-improvement suggestions from people are to meditate or do exercise, but those are explicitly designed to put you in the moment and move you out of your head, and so they only induce fear and terror into me. About eight year ago I used mushrooms, and it caused the most terror-filled hours of my life. Even the ketamine that I used under the supervision of a doctor were hours of terror.
A few years ago, a friend who does somatic work pointed me to the book Healing Developmental Trauma. One of the points of that book is that babies, during the span of their life before the age of about six months, learn that being in their body is safe. So if a baby has a trauma during that time, it will impair their ability to feel safe in their body for the rest of their life. Reading that book was a major "aha" moment for me, as it named my experience in a way that nothing had before. (BTW, not specifically recommending that you get this book, though you can, of course.)
The reason I bring this up is that I mentioned in my post that I went to a party, and that while I didn't feel the anxiety of people around, I didn't feel very relaxed into my body. You replied asking if I'd "achieved half relaxation", and I wanted to clarify. Not feeling anxiety with people around is a big step, and I do appreciate what DMSI seems to have done with that. But not being able to relax into my body is a much bigger problem, one rooted way deeper, and one that I suspect is likely connected to my lack of sex life and romantic life.
I'm working hard on treating it. I've mentioned that I see a cuddler for cuddling sessions, and the reason I do that is specifically to train my body that touch is good, and relaxation is good, and relaxation with a woman is good. (Encouraging anything sexual is against the cuddling rules, so I don't see it triggering anything in DMSI.)
As for DMSI, I'm hopeful but unsure. I can sorta feel the FRM unwind my fears and low emotional points. But I still felt like I couldn't relax at that party, and even now, if I close my eyes and try to relax I can feel the terror edge in. I'm still listening to DMSI, am quite happy with how it's going, and am quite hopeful as to what it can do, but I wanted to fill you in as to how my bodily reactions aren't the usual that you'd expect.
Thanks for listening.
I have a strange relationship with my body. The more I relax into my body, the more anxiety, fear, and terror come up. This is problematic in all kinds of ways. The usual self-improvement suggestions from people are to meditate or do exercise, but those are explicitly designed to put you in the moment and move you out of your head, and so they only induce fear and terror into me. About eight year ago I used mushrooms, and it caused the most terror-filled hours of my life. Even the ketamine that I used under the supervision of a doctor were hours of terror.
A few years ago, a friend who does somatic work pointed me to the book Healing Developmental Trauma. One of the points of that book is that babies, during the span of their life before the age of about six months, learn that being in their body is safe. So if a baby has a trauma during that time, it will impair their ability to feel safe in their body for the rest of their life. Reading that book was a major "aha" moment for me, as it named my experience in a way that nothing had before. (BTW, not specifically recommending that you get this book, though you can, of course.)
The reason I bring this up is that I mentioned in my post that I went to a party, and that while I didn't feel the anxiety of people around, I didn't feel very relaxed into my body. You replied asking if I'd "achieved half relaxation", and I wanted to clarify. Not feeling anxiety with people around is a big step, and I do appreciate what DMSI seems to have done with that. But not being able to relax into my body is a much bigger problem, one rooted way deeper, and one that I suspect is likely connected to my lack of sex life and romantic life.
I'm working hard on treating it. I've mentioned that I see a cuddler for cuddling sessions, and the reason I do that is specifically to train my body that touch is good, and relaxation is good, and relaxation with a woman is good. (Encouraging anything sexual is against the cuddling rules, so I don't see it triggering anything in DMSI.)
As for DMSI, I'm hopeful but unsure. I can sorta feel the FRM unwind my fears and low emotional points. But I still felt like I couldn't relax at that party, and even now, if I close my eyes and try to relax I can feel the terror edge in. I'm still listening to DMSI, am quite happy with how it's going, and am quite hopeful as to what it can do, but I wanted to fill you in as to how my bodily reactions aren't the usual that you'd expect.
Thanks for listening.
I share the details of my life in my posts to help in the understanding of the effects of the subliminals I use. I am only open to advice that relates to the use of the subliminals.
