12-15-2018, 12:09 PM
2nd night off tonight, will be starting 3rd round tomorrow.
I sorted out the whole Krav thing, I paid this months money and started going back to training and will continue the new training set up in Jan.
I have got back into strength training too, and eating more.
Today I had work and I really did not feel like going to work, I had a moment of losing all hope and thinking of just not going but I then remembered I can call in sick, to buy me some time to sort of speak. I have been questioning what this means, as this is the first time I have felt like REALLY not wanting to go into work with this job.
I am aware of leaving on good terms to get a good reference and giving in one months notice, which is a sensible thing to do for myself when thinking about future job prospects. I am aware of all this from past mistakes and I want to do it all in a good way. I am just concerned because of how I felt today about not working and questioning if this means I should start thinking about a different job, as I do not want to leave it to late and then end up spontaneously just leaving, as in the past my emotions have led me to do that, so I am being consciously aware of doing things properly this time.
Obviously this is just a part-time job, but a part of me says I should stay at a job even if I don't feel I would like to and another part of me thinks that it is ok if I do not like the job and want to get something else and it is also fine if I move from one job to another and keep things fresh and new. When I was thinking about these things, it made me realise that some of them thoughts of sticking something out even if I don't want to can actually be from what society has programmed me to believe (You should continue doing a job you do not like and put up with it, because everyone else in the world does too)
I keep reminding myself it is just a Saturday and Sunday night job and it is ok if I do want to get a different job, obviously the best way is to do it in a way that is proper, for example getting a new job before I leave the current, give a months notice etc.
Then again I don't know if I will feel this about every job and just always move from one to the other. It is just my emotions can start to just get stronger with time if I do not listen to them and I can end up just leaving. I am currently AWARE of this right now, at the first sign (calling in sick because I did not want to go in) but at least I did not just not go and least I chose an option that I can recover from.
I don't feel bad, I am just concerned about my actions of today and I am thinking of my future actions. I will have to some how think about my options.
Fortunately I did my speaking presentation and got that out the way last Tuesday, but I was unable to motivate myself the rest of the week to do the required homework for next week, even though I need to in preparation for a mock exam. I am still attending class which is a good thing.
I have to be honest, I am kind of scared of myself a little bit as if I do not keep myself in check it feel like I can just leave work and not go back and leave English class. I am doing pretty good so far, better then the past. I am just a little bit scared of that part of me just taking over, the more stronger certain emotions of mine get (ones that are really distasteful and repelled), it seems like it has an easier time of just thinking I don't care and leaving.
I keep having to remind myself it is ok if I want to leave though! Because if I don't, then my other side wont like that as it will feel like it don't have a choice and will feel trapped.
I will see what happens...
I sorted out the whole Krav thing, I paid this months money and started going back to training and will continue the new training set up in Jan.
I have got back into strength training too, and eating more.
Today I had work and I really did not feel like going to work, I had a moment of losing all hope and thinking of just not going but I then remembered I can call in sick, to buy me some time to sort of speak. I have been questioning what this means, as this is the first time I have felt like REALLY not wanting to go into work with this job.
I am aware of leaving on good terms to get a good reference and giving in one months notice, which is a sensible thing to do for myself when thinking about future job prospects. I am aware of all this from past mistakes and I want to do it all in a good way. I am just concerned because of how I felt today about not working and questioning if this means I should start thinking about a different job, as I do not want to leave it to late and then end up spontaneously just leaving, as in the past my emotions have led me to do that, so I am being consciously aware of doing things properly this time.
Obviously this is just a part-time job, but a part of me says I should stay at a job even if I don't feel I would like to and another part of me thinks that it is ok if I do not like the job and want to get something else and it is also fine if I move from one job to another and keep things fresh and new. When I was thinking about these things, it made me realise that some of them thoughts of sticking something out even if I don't want to can actually be from what society has programmed me to believe (You should continue doing a job you do not like and put up with it, because everyone else in the world does too)
I keep reminding myself it is just a Saturday and Sunday night job and it is ok if I do want to get a different job, obviously the best way is to do it in a way that is proper, for example getting a new job before I leave the current, give a months notice etc.
Then again I don't know if I will feel this about every job and just always move from one to the other. It is just my emotions can start to just get stronger with time if I do not listen to them and I can end up just leaving. I am currently AWARE of this right now, at the first sign (calling in sick because I did not want to go in) but at least I did not just not go and least I chose an option that I can recover from.
I don't feel bad, I am just concerned about my actions of today and I am thinking of my future actions. I will have to some how think about my options.
Fortunately I did my speaking presentation and got that out the way last Tuesday, but I was unable to motivate myself the rest of the week to do the required homework for next week, even though I need to in preparation for a mock exam. I am still attending class which is a good thing.
I have to be honest, I am kind of scared of myself a little bit as if I do not keep myself in check it feel like I can just leave work and not go back and leave English class. I am doing pretty good so far, better then the past. I am just a little bit scared of that part of me just taking over, the more stronger certain emotions of mine get (ones that are really distasteful and repelled), it seems like it has an easier time of just thinking I don't care and leaving.
I keep having to remind myself it is ok if I want to leave though! Because if I don't, then my other side wont like that as it will feel like it don't have a choice and will feel trapped.
I will see what happens...
