04-21-2012, 10:10 AM
Well what you could have done depends on circumstances I was not there to witness. What you did was good (swapping places), but you're still growing into the role, so it's understandable that you would be in the position.
Had it been me, I suppose it would have depended on how she said/did it. I might have played along, and I might have laughed and said, "Yeah, sure you do, sister." and stood up. If she was being domineering, I would have basically just stopped her and let her know that I'm in control of me, and she can take a hike. If she was leading me into kissing without being domineering, I'd probably have allowed her to continue. Just because I am in control of me, doesn't mean I always have to be leading.
Paradoxically, one of the signs of an alpha is the ability to be able to step back and allow himself to be led sometimes, without losing his self control (control of himself within the situation). An alpha is confident and comfortable enough with his own strength, control and power to be able to put down the reigns sometimes. In fact, sometimes it's nice to let someone else lead, as in a case like this where a woman can lead you into making out, lovemaking, etc.
But, there's also a fine line between being led because it's appropriate and being led because you have a nose ring. (Or she thinks you do.) You know the difference by how she does it. Girls in club environments are very likely to be doing it for the wrong reasons... basically, they discover that for every man who will not allow them to do as they please in hopes of getting laid, twenty or more will. So they learn that they can take control and use these men for whatever they want.
You are obviously making strides in the right direction, but you failed her shit test. I suspect you would have gotten further in one of two very polar situations:
1. Had you allowed her to dominate you completely.
2. Had you refused to be dominated and been acting the consummate alpha the whole time.
You were in the middle but below the equator, so to speak. Showing signs of dominance, and signs of weakness. That spells insecurity, and insecurity will send a woman running. And she did.
But that's okay. It's a process, and it takes time. It's a learning experience. And she is neither the only fish in the sea, nor a very worthwhile one, from the sounds of it.
Had it been me, I suppose it would have depended on how she said/did it. I might have played along, and I might have laughed and said, "Yeah, sure you do, sister." and stood up. If she was being domineering, I would have basically just stopped her and let her know that I'm in control of me, and she can take a hike. If she was leading me into kissing without being domineering, I'd probably have allowed her to continue. Just because I am in control of me, doesn't mean I always have to be leading.
Paradoxically, one of the signs of an alpha is the ability to be able to step back and allow himself to be led sometimes, without losing his self control (control of himself within the situation). An alpha is confident and comfortable enough with his own strength, control and power to be able to put down the reigns sometimes. In fact, sometimes it's nice to let someone else lead, as in a case like this where a woman can lead you into making out, lovemaking, etc.
But, there's also a fine line between being led because it's appropriate and being led because you have a nose ring. (Or she thinks you do.) You know the difference by how she does it. Girls in club environments are very likely to be doing it for the wrong reasons... basically, they discover that for every man who will not allow them to do as they please in hopes of getting laid, twenty or more will. So they learn that they can take control and use these men for whatever they want.
You are obviously making strides in the right direction, but you failed her shit test. I suspect you would have gotten further in one of two very polar situations:
1. Had you allowed her to dominate you completely.
2. Had you refused to be dominated and been acting the consummate alpha the whole time.
You were in the middle but below the equator, so to speak. Showing signs of dominance, and signs of weakness. That spells insecurity, and insecurity will send a woman running. And she did.
But that's okay. It's a process, and it takes time. It's a learning experience. And she is neither the only fish in the sea, nor a very worthwhile one, from the sounds of it.
Subliminal Audio Specialist & Administrator
The scientist has a question to find an answer for. The pseudo-scientist has an answer to find a question for. ~ "Failure is the path of least persistence." - Chinese Fortune Cookie ~ Logic left. Emotion right. But thinking, straight ahead. ~ Sperate supra omnia in valorem. (The value of trust is above all else.) ~ Meowsomeness!
The scientist has a question to find an answer for. The pseudo-scientist has an answer to find a question for. ~ "Failure is the path of least persistence." - Chinese Fortune Cookie ~ Logic left. Emotion right. But thinking, straight ahead. ~ Sperate supra omnia in valorem. (The value of trust is above all else.) ~ Meowsomeness!
