US/LM

[Oversoul]

First day of the second block of days.

Feeling sad and tired but IDK why? Feels like too many things are going on inside me but IDK what they are. I can catch glimpses but they don't seem significant and when I try to go deeper into that thought or feeling to look for the root, I just feel like I cba. Its like I should just let it process while taking a nap.

Got the underlying feeling that seems to imply that everything's hard.

My usual bravado is not as active today. Instead of always trying to shine, even in insignificant things, I just want to be humble, put my head down, and work. But I'm too tired, feel too lost and scared to do that ATM.

Im supposed to be cold calling people right now. And I havent done shit because im scared. And I f**ing hate admitting im scared, even to myself. And the fact that most cold calls are unsuccessful (even for the most successful cold callers) turns this shit into a negative spiral.

I know what Im gonna do. Each stage of the call, Im gonna write down and clearly look at the goal of what I am to achieve at that stage. Breaking down calls, relationship building, service delivery into smaller chunks so that its more doable.

Have a written plan and roadmap for every step and stage like what a 'real' consultancy has.

But theres so much shit going on under the surface that as soon as I take a step into doing any real work, something totally unrelated comes up and staggers me. And it comes in waves of emotions about things that would have been insignificant before. I would have used my ego to protect myself from this before, but seen as how I seem to subconsciously have reduced my ego has decided to become humble now, they are more pronounced and stronger.

But, I will win. Its inevitable as my future self is already what I want it to be. Its just a matter of letting go.