Normally, this would not have been a good day, and it still wasn’t the best. I got the notice that I didn’t get the job I was in for. I had really wanted this one, and had actually gotten it into my head that I was going to get it. I’ve been trying to get into this field for a very long time, I’ve been rejected the gods know how many times, and the two times I was hired (using FYPJ each time) it didn’t work out. Needless to say this is frustrating.
When I’ve actually managed to get it into my head that I was going to get a job and I haven’t, it’s really thrown me for a loop. I’d get a cascading effect of negative thoughts leading to negative emotional states, and it was really difficult to bounce back from. I did bounce back, time and again, but it was getting harder. While I’m told it’s important to feel your emotions and honor them or some bloody thing, it’s counterproductive, and I don’t have time for that.
This time, I kind of sort of felt the cascade start, but (this is really hard to describe, I don’t do complex emotions) it was kind of contained. It was like it was behind a wall or a membrane or something, and it didn’t really touch me. I was able to push it back, and in its place came renewed determination.
I’m back to my original game plan. Run USLM through February to give myself six months of total time on it. Spend that time working on various aspects of myself that I think are holding me back. Start FYPJ or whatever more advanced equivalent of that that Shannon manages to come up with in the meantime starting March one, and really get on perusing that job. Then back on USLM for the first six months to a year.
When I’ve actually managed to get it into my head that I was going to get a job and I haven’t, it’s really thrown me for a loop. I’d get a cascading effect of negative thoughts leading to negative emotional states, and it was really difficult to bounce back from. I did bounce back, time and again, but it was getting harder. While I’m told it’s important to feel your emotions and honor them or some bloody thing, it’s counterproductive, and I don’t have time for that.
This time, I kind of sort of felt the cascade start, but (this is really hard to describe, I don’t do complex emotions) it was kind of contained. It was like it was behind a wall or a membrane or something, and it didn’t really touch me. I was able to push it back, and in its place came renewed determination.
I’m back to my original game plan. Run USLM through February to give myself six months of total time on it. Spend that time working on various aspects of myself that I think are holding me back. Start FYPJ or whatever more advanced equivalent of that that Shannon manages to come up with in the meantime starting March one, and really get on perusing that job. Then back on USLM for the first six months to a year.
