(11-02-2018, 04:28 PM)findingme Wrote: Sounds like he may possibly be both scared and envious of you Greenduck. I find insecure people hoping their manic speech will make them feel better, but on my side, I'm more annoyed--like you.
He may be jealous of you, hoping you'll "fill his emotional bucket". So he talks and talks and talks (he's scared of being vulnerable), and I've found one in my life constantly talking so he might be validated. That--is annoying as ****. Plus draining. It's made me tense and slightly irritated when around him due to his emotional blindness.
I'm on E2 too, and today I'm finding the more I accept myself, the less I'm bothered. They don't have access to my emotional tank now. I can't fill them anyway. I'm learning to take care of me when I'm being given old messages to "feed them".
journal entry
You'll know what to do or say, when it's time to do so. Take that from me, someone who didn't believe or trust himself much at all. E2 is a real lifeline
If I'm off concerning your dad, I do apologize. I only read the one paragraph above mine. Not the posts before.
Hi there findingme,
Thanks for your answer and taking your time to think about the issue. You may very well be right about it. The only thing I've learned is to stay put with yourself and learn not to be irritated by other peoples behavior. The only one you can change is yourself, and you will change other peoples way of treating you by changing yourself.
I went out this weekend, by myself can i add, which is something I haven't done. Ever. I was pretty cool about it, just going out to listen to some music, dance and have some drinks. No expectations. I met some random people who I talked to, and by coincidence met a friend later on. I had a really good time, really, could really dance and enjoy myself. Some other stuff.
- A saw two girls standing next to me, one clearly nervous trying to get the nerve to start talking to me, and the other one trying to motivate her to do it. Haha it was really funny, and touching to see this happening. I cheered with her with my drink trying to make her feel comfortable, but then my friend showed up and they dissapeared, but I was totally fine with this, just enjoying that it happened.
- I danced towards two girls, one I found a bit interested in, but her friend sort of took the opportunity to get in the way. I danced and really opened my up in the dancing, communicating my intentions with my emotions (don't really know how to explain it, but I somewhat got sexual with just my emotions..) and after a while the friend started to grinding my groin, twerking her ass really sexually to show her interest. Haha. It didn't last to long, the tension broke, but she came back after a while, but I was starting to get tired so I called it for the night.
Some interesting observations. But the most important part was that I really enjoyed it. I felt kind of normal. Released some anger in the dancing which felt really good and primal. I just felt that I loved being alive again, and to be able to do that again, is probably bigger than I can grasp right now.
I also had an interesting dream tonight where I dreamed that I was going to war, it was super realistic. I really felt the fear that I guess I would in a real battle. I saw on TV later in the day where they talked about that dreaming can function as a "crisis preparation", and I guess this was something like that.
