10-28-2018, 06:26 AM
I went out last night to a barcade to chill with some friends. There was a DJ there and he was playing some good music, stuff I'd actually groove to. So nothing eventful, gonna say that right now. But there was this one girl just dancing enjoying herself, when the dance floor was empty and when it was crowded. I was just watching her, a couple times we locked eyes. I still have issues with eye contact because I try not to be that leering creepy guy you know? Probably limiting beliefs and stuff. I really just wanted to go up to her and tell her I thought she was sexy and that I liked her free spirited energy. But I stopped myself.
Anyway eventually I did go dance which I've never done before. I've always been the type to sit and watch, but it looked like fun and the music was good. It made me realize if I could find the right club with some good music I could have a good time by myself. Something to do in the future to get myself out more.
Just in general I've been too closed off and kept to myself. It's weird but I've always enjoyed meeting new people, but I suck at developing closer relationships. I'm definitely introverted, but there's always been a desire there to meet other people and explore new situations. Just a lot of the time fear would get in the way and it wasn't enjoyable. When going out and having fun seems like a challenge or work it kinda kills the vibe. I get in that situation where I'm like "well I could force myself to do this and not have a good time or do something I know will be enjoyable".
I'm seeing that life has a lot to offer and for the past 10 years I've only explored about 5% of it. The upside to struggling for years and being alone a lot is that I really appreciate moments with genuine connections with others.
Anyway last night was the most fun I've had in a while and I'd love for my life to be filled with more of it. I've realized for a while now I haven't really had 100% autonomy in my decision making for stuff. Fear really holds me back from exploring, it fills my head with that thought like "nah you wouldn't really have fun from that". Then I just go to my default behavior that keeps me in a cycle of fear based isolation.
Anyway eventually I did go dance which I've never done before. I've always been the type to sit and watch, but it looked like fun and the music was good. It made me realize if I could find the right club with some good music I could have a good time by myself. Something to do in the future to get myself out more.
Just in general I've been too closed off and kept to myself. It's weird but I've always enjoyed meeting new people, but I suck at developing closer relationships. I'm definitely introverted, but there's always been a desire there to meet other people and explore new situations. Just a lot of the time fear would get in the way and it wasn't enjoyable. When going out and having fun seems like a challenge or work it kinda kills the vibe. I get in that situation where I'm like "well I could force myself to do this and not have a good time or do something I know will be enjoyable".
I'm seeing that life has a lot to offer and for the past 10 years I've only explored about 5% of it. The upside to struggling for years and being alone a lot is that I really appreciate moments with genuine connections with others.
Anyway last night was the most fun I've had in a while and I'd love for my life to be filled with more of it. I've realized for a while now I haven't really had 100% autonomy in my decision making for stuff. Fear really holds me back from exploring, it fills my head with that thought like "nah you wouldn't really have fun from that". Then I just go to my default behavior that keeps me in a cycle of fear based isolation.
INFP
