This afternoon I woke up, checked my to do list, and knocked off all four of the tasks I had set for myself. I got them done before any kind of relaxing and messing around, and in time to cook dinner before work. It was a combination of cleaning tasks that I tend to ignore, and some business that needed to be taken care of. I have tried to force myself to live that way in the past, but I didn’t really follow through. This morning anyway, it seemed natural and like this was how I have been habitually doing things for a long time. It’s almost like the sub and my subconscious just jumped right over that difficult habit forming stage of changing. That’s cool as hell, and I am looking forward to my productivity increasing.
I also get a sense that while I am not where I could financially and professionally at forty, I CAN catch up to where I would be if I didn’t have a slow start, and I can do so very quickly. I wish this thing had existed when I was 16-20. Of course, you’d have had a hard time getting younger me to run anything but DAMSI.
In other news, the past editor function continues to play out in daydreams. Lately I have been remembering situations where someone was able to dominate and mistreat me, but I am being assertive. I kinda sorta remember it happening that way too. Not that I think it actually happened, but (this is really hard to explain) but enough that the emotional effect that the incident has on me now is as if I had done it right at the time and had a different result. I really wish I ever remembered dreams. I’ll bet mine are really interesting now.
Also, I have stopped listening to certain songs that I used to listen to all the time which brought up negative emotional memories that I would dwell on a lot. Those things are over now and I can let them be.
I also get a sense that while I am not where I could financially and professionally at forty, I CAN catch up to where I would be if I didn’t have a slow start, and I can do so very quickly. I wish this thing had existed when I was 16-20. Of course, you’d have had a hard time getting younger me to run anything but DAMSI.
In other news, the past editor function continues to play out in daydreams. Lately I have been remembering situations where someone was able to dominate and mistreat me, but I am being assertive. I kinda sorta remember it happening that way too. Not that I think it actually happened, but (this is really hard to explain) but enough that the emotional effect that the incident has on me now is as if I had done it right at the time and had a different result. I really wish I ever remembered dreams. I’ll bet mine are really interesting now.
Also, I have stopped listening to certain songs that I used to listen to all the time which brought up negative emotional memories that I would dwell on a lot. Those things are over now and I can let them be.
