10-21-2018, 07:05 AM
More stuff. I'm realizing more and more I'm not happy. But I deny it out of guilt? I see so many other people struggling in life who have it much worse than me, but I'm just not happy with my life in general. In life you're told to go down certain paths, do certain things, live certain ways by influences in your life, then when you do those things and you aren't happy people are confused.
I think there's a fine balance. You have to appreciate what you have. But you can't use that as a way to deny what you really want. I was trying to use gratitude as a way to get rid of the gnawing sensation that something isn't right with my life.
I don't know, I've always been different. But not in a special sort of look at me way. More like not fitting in, not having the same ideas, not particularly fond of the status quo and conformity. I didn't have to try, that's just how I was and still am. I know I need to do something with this, that's my only option at this point. Trying to contort myself to fit into the more popular definition of life people seem to uphold isn't making me feel very good. Makes me feel sick actually, like nausea. In general putting myself in the wrong environments just feels like poisoning my body energetically speaking. Needless to say E2 is still doing some digging and it's making me realize all this negative self talk over the years was due to being different and not knowing how to handle that when the outside world disapproves.
I think there's a fine balance. You have to appreciate what you have. But you can't use that as a way to deny what you really want. I was trying to use gratitude as a way to get rid of the gnawing sensation that something isn't right with my life.
I don't know, I've always been different. But not in a special sort of look at me way. More like not fitting in, not having the same ideas, not particularly fond of the status quo and conformity. I didn't have to try, that's just how I was and still am. I know I need to do something with this, that's my only option at this point. Trying to contort myself to fit into the more popular definition of life people seem to uphold isn't making me feel very good. Makes me feel sick actually, like nausea. In general putting myself in the wrong environments just feels like poisoning my body energetically speaking. Needless to say E2 is still doing some digging and it's making me realize all this negative self talk over the years was due to being different and not knowing how to handle that when the outside world disapproves.
INFP
