10-16-2018, 04:55 PM
I'm getting really tired of feeling like a frightened child all the time. I'm a grown adult, yet I still respond to people like I'm an insecure younger kid. I really envy other guys who don't have fear. They say what they want, do what they want, live how they want. It feels like some of them didn't have to go on a journey to overcome it or anything, it's just their personality or temperament. I've been trying to get there for the longest time and it's honestly fucking embarrassing some of the stuff I'm afraid of. Just being timid all the time is getting really old.
I've always followed self acceptance. But honestly I'm tired of myself. I'm incredibly discontent with how I developed through the years. I feel like 90% of it is garbage and only 10% is redeeming qualities. I pretty much embody negativity, self loathing, and cowardice. You grow up with such a crappy mindset and it's no wonder you start to feel like you're worthless or a waste of space as a person.
I have to redefine myself. This inward searching isn't going anywhere. I'm just going around in circles feeling miserable about all the awful crap I tell myself. The thing is at what point are you attempting to change who you fundamentally are? In all honesty I can't even friggin tell. I don't even know if it matters anymore because for the longest time I've felt like I don't even have substance as a person. I've just been someone who's just reacted to their environment, tries to avoid fearful things, and pleases people all the time. I honestly don't have a strong concept of myself.
I've always followed self acceptance. But honestly I'm tired of myself. I'm incredibly discontent with how I developed through the years. I feel like 90% of it is garbage and only 10% is redeeming qualities. I pretty much embody negativity, self loathing, and cowardice. You grow up with such a crappy mindset and it's no wonder you start to feel like you're worthless or a waste of space as a person.
I have to redefine myself. This inward searching isn't going anywhere. I'm just going around in circles feeling miserable about all the awful crap I tell myself. The thing is at what point are you attempting to change who you fundamentally are? In all honesty I can't even friggin tell. I don't even know if it matters anymore because for the longest time I've felt like I don't even have substance as a person. I've just been someone who's just reacted to their environment, tries to avoid fearful things, and pleases people all the time. I honestly don't have a strong concept of myself.
INFP
