(10-10-2018, 09:10 PM)Greenduck Wrote: I have a confession to make. Or just need to wright something off me. I had a girlfriend a while back (2 years ago) we broke up, but we still talk occationally, and we had sex last time in march this year. But she doesn't want to meet again or hook up because she feel bad afterwards because of all the emotions that come back. Anyway, I have some kind of remorse regarding that. I want her, but kind of to much. I lost myself in her, and that is why I don't want to get back together (don't even know if she want to, but I still think she like me). It's some kind of pull she has, that I get lost in. I have some nude photos of her that I keep private, but from time to time I take a look at them and feel so damn attracted to her, not just her body, but _her_. It's like I can't control myself around her. My emotions and desires go haywire. And I don't like that. It feels like she has control over me someway. But I close down the photos, refrain from jacking off and just go back to normal. But still not normal, still thinking about what I am loosing.
Is it me it's wrong with? I need to work on myself and get my own stability before getting together with a girl like her, is my own analysis. So I don't loose myself in it again. She is just so..seductive, pulling.
What are your analysis? Maybe she is TO seductive if you know what I mean. That can't be healthy to. Like if everything is about sex (in some way I think she is wired that way) and that mess me up. BLuuurrrhhhgghh. Ranting, but would love to have some input on this, felt good to write about it though.
I think that E2 is starting to hit on something deep. I realize that hanging out with this ex GF made some of my shadow personality traits (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shadow_(psychology)) show up and that's one part in why I found the relationship and companionship with her so different and exciting. But instead of working on the shadow traits, I was controlled by them, and that was what caused the problems, that made the relationship unhealthy to continue with. But the good thing now, if I am right, is that I am able to start to work on this stuff and sort it out so it will be under conscious sight and more easily managed. I know that there is a lot of stuff that I have pushed down because it wasn't "OK", but I never realized that you can feel stuff, and not have to act on it. That separation have appeared on later days when I have started working more on myself with meditation for example, and let me allow things to come up, feel them, but not having to act on them.
I feel a nervousness when I do my root chakra meditation, a deep unpleasant feeling that I know for a long time, a feeling that I have tried to push away, instead of welcoming it, understanding it and accepting it. I think I have handled this thing the wrong way all the time. Time will tell. Interesting to say at least.
I read some on the show written by Jung and it feels pretty accurate...
Quote:The eventual encounter with the shadow plays a central part in the process of individuation. Jung considered that "the course of individuation...exhibits a certain formal regularity. Its signposts and milestones are various archetypal symbols" marking its stages; and of these "the first stage leads to the experience of the SHADOW".[14] If "the breakdown of the persona constitutes the typical Jungian moment both in therapy and in development",[15] it is this that opens the road to the shadow within, coming about when "Beneath the surface a person is suffering from a deadly boredom that makes everything seem meaningless and empty ... as if the initial encounter with the Self casts a dark shadow ahead of time."[16] Jung considered as a perennial danger in life that "the more consciousness gains in clarity, the more monarchic becomes its content...the king constantly needs the renewal that begins with a descent into his own darkness"[17]—his shadow—which the "dissolution of the persona"[18] sets in motion.
"The shadow personifies everything that the subject refuses to acknowledge about himself" and represents "a tight passage, a narrow door, whose painful constriction no one is spared who goes down to the deep well".[19] If and when 'an individual makes an attempt to see his shadow, he becomes aware of (and often ashamed of) those qualities and impulses he denies in himself but can plainly see in others—such things as egotism, mental laziness, and sloppiness; unreal fantasies, schemes, and plots; carelessness and cowardice; inordinate love of money and possessions—...[a] painful and lengthy work of self-education".[20]
The dissolution of the persona and the launch of the individuation process also brings with it 'the danger of falling victim to the shadow ... the black shadow which everybody carries with him, the inferior and therefore hidden aspect of the personality'[21]—of a merger with the shadow.
